I'm sorry (11)

Bar mein aate waqt hi Ronnie kuch distrubed tha woh toh muje maalum tha
magar aane ke saath jis speed se woh beer pi gaya, it must have definitely hit his head hard, kyo ke Aasif ko dekh kar jis tarah se uske tevar badal gaye that definitely wasn't normal for Ronnie to react so absurdly.
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Although, muje yaha Woodoo mein laane ka uska kya maqsad tha woh toh main nahi jaanta tha, magar I had a wild guess ke woh yaha aakar uun ladko ko dekhna chahta tha, jo ke uske hisaab se us'se bhi attractive thhe,
kyo ke he beleived that when I prefered those guys over him, it definitely meant the same thing.
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Uun sab ke saath badd-saluki se toh pesh nahi aanewala hai, atleast that i knew becoz Ronnie was mostly a very soft spoken guy and hardly get involved into any sort of quarrels.
Magar haan, woh uun sab ka gussa mujpar definitely nikalega that I was sure.
Itna possessive hona toh banta hai, I agree to it, after all since last three years we were going steady with each other.
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Toh Aasif ko dekhkar jab uske tevar badalne lage toh maine fauran apne aap ko aanewaale tufaan ka saamna karne ke liye taiyaar kar liya, but still it was too tough for me. After all mai kabhi bhi uske saath itna sakhti se pesh nahi aaya tha.
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Hamdono ke beech is'se pehle bhi chhote chhote fights toh kai ek baar hui thi,
but this was quite a serious issue compared to those.
Normally hamari fights ke subject itne stupid type ke hote thhe ke fight khatm hone ke baad ham dono ek duje par hanste thhe ya toh fir khud apne aap ki mazaak udaate thhe.
For example,
meri gift di hui jeans aaj kyo nahi pehni..?
dad ka fon aaya toh muje kyo nahi bataya..?
hardam itna busy rehna tha, toh fir akele hi kyo nahi rehte..?
credit card ka payment due date se pehle kyo nahi kiya?
daily bed ki left hand side par mai hi kyo souu..?
Those who are not into relationship may find this quite silly.
Magar iin sab ka apna ek alag maza hota tha.
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Well, but abki baar koi maza nahi tha, yeh jo issue khada ho gya tha, usmein.
Ronnie ne insist kiya ke Aasif ke alawa uus bar mein uus waqt maujuud mardo mein se kin kin ke saath maine sex kiya tha uska full-fledge report mai usko du..
It was quite predicted by me, ke aisa sawaal toh uthne hi waala tha.
Maine insist kiya ke mai usey kuch nahi bataunga kyo ke us'se usey kuch haansil nahi honewala, except frustration and depression.
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Ronnie ko involve rakhne ke liye maine apna dusra aur uska tisra beer ka order diya.
Thankfully, order fauran execute ho gaya aur bar-boy ne immediately 2 mugs hamare saamne rakh diye.
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Ronnie ne fauran mug muh se laga liya aur ek bada sa swig liya.
Normally 2nd round ke baad mai ussey piney se rokta hu kyo ke yeh uski limit hai, I know that.
But today, I just wanted him to stay involved with it.
Waise bhi 2nd round ke baad ghar waapas return jaane ki meri baat woh maan'ne wala nahi tha, I was damn sure about it.
Aur fir yaha beer-bar mein bina kuch kiye baith kar, woh aise hi questions arise karega jo mere liye mushkil pe mushkil  paida kar sakte thhe, toh behtar yehi tha ke woh beer pina continue rakhe..
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Well, he was quite quiet while drinking this time.
Meri taraf dekhta bhi toh sirf sakht nazro se, varna bas iis bar mein ghumte hue mardo ko taakta raha.
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Mai bhi uski iis silence se kuch relief mehsuus karta hua apna 2nd mug complete karta raha.
Tab woh achanak khada ho gaya.
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"I'm off for a piss." -Ronnie ne apna bacha kucha beer ka mug counter par rakhte hue kaha aur toile ki aur jaane laga
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Ab, jab ke muje koi sawaal marnewala nahi tha, toh maine uus room mein yaha waha dekhne ka mauka utha liya.
Aasif ab kahiin bhi nazar nahi aa raha tha.
Magar maine 4 aise ladke dekhe jiske saath mera sex hua tha.
Sab se nazrein churata hua mai idhar udhar dekh raha tha, tabhi kisi ne mere kandhe par halke se tap kiya.
Mai pichhe muuda, jo bhi thha use yeh kehne ko, ke I wasn't looking to hook up.
Dekha toh pichhe Aasif tha. Meri annkhe khulli ki khuli reh gayi.
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"kya..kya kar rahe ho yaar?  You can't talk to me now. Ronnie is here with me." -maine thoda sa hichkicha kar kaha
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"pata hai yaar.. dekha maine usey..bass uus din jo kuchh hua uske liye sorry bolna tha. Aur sorry yaar uus din mai tum dono ka patch-up karwane ke liye ruuka nahi. It was quite an awkward situation, man."
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"tu ruuk bhi jaata toh bhi kuch jyada achcha nahi kar pata. and i'm sorry dost, for being so cold towards you, but i was angry at that moment, obviously on my self, not on you."
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"toh fir..? aap dono mein compromise hua ke nahi.."
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"Nope.. He won't even come back home. ham dono gaadi ko track par laane ki koshish kar rahe hai. magar manzil kaafi duur lagti hai."
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"Well, hope the things improve for you guys soon. Anyway, I'll leave you to it before he 'catches' me talking to you." -Aasif aankh maarte hue bola.
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"See ya." -maine jhat se keh kar usey ravana kar diya.
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maine ek gehri saans lete hue apne siney mein jama hue pressure ko halka kar diya.
Bloody fuck..! why the hell did Ronnie need us to come here..!
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Restlessly, I started tapping the sticky floor of the bar.
Jaldi se Ronnie aa jaaye, toh ham dono nikal le yaha se, varna pata nahi aur kaun kaun milne aa jayega..magar pata nahi Ronnie itna waqt kyo laga raha hai andar..!
mai toilet ke darwaaze ki direction mein dekhte dekhte betaabi se uski wait karne laga.
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kuchh hi der mein maine usey bahar nikal kar meri aur aate dekha.
maine dekha ke Roniie ke chehra kuch pila padd gaya tha..
saans lene mein kuch dikkat ho rahi ho waise uncomfortability uske chehre par saaf dikhayi de rahi thi.
Kuch ghabrahat..kuch sharmindgi..
samaj mein nahi aa raha tha kuchh.
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"You Ok..?" -uske nazdik aate hi maine usey puchha.
Woh aaju baaju har taraf dekh raha tha magar bass, mujse nazrein chura raha tha- "Ronnie..?"
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"Ronnie, what's wrong..?" -mai betaabi ke saath pucchta raha.
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"I..err.. Nikhil. I'm sorry, but I...I..." -aakhir meri taraf dekh kar woh kuch bolna chaha.
uske honth saaf tarah se kaampte hue nazar aate thhe.
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"Ronnie, what is it?" -meri aawaz ko nikalne mein ab muskhkil ho rahi thi.
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Woh pichhe muud kar bhagna chaha.
Magar maine usey ain-waqt par pakad liya.
mai kuch kahu is'se pehle woh bol pada- "I kissed someone in the toilets."
Mera muuh khulla reh gaya.. -"Not only that, I allowed him to smooch me,"
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Mere haath ki grip dhili padd gayi.
Woh meri pakad se chhut gaya.
Mera haath apne aap mere stomach par gaya, andar kuch ajeeb sa vacuum sa lagne laga muje.
Mujh se khada nahi raha jata tha ab.
Magar fir achanak mai Ronnie ko halka sa dhakka dete hue waha se bahar ki aur jaane laga.
mera damm ghunte laga tha. I needed some fresh air.
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Bahar barish aur sard tez hawa chal rahi thi.
Maine ek gehri saans li.
I felt as if my lungs were being crushed.
Barish ki tez buunde mere chehre par gir kar usey bhigone lagi.
mai pichhe diwaar ki tek laga kar, niche farsh ki aur taakte hue khada ho gaya.
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Tabhi maine Ronnie ko mere karib paya.
Uski aawaaz, uskey aansu iis baat ko confirm kar rahe thhe ke he actually meant what he said just now.
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"Nikhil I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." -Ronnie, sounded like a kid apologising to his parents,
he was so forgivable, ke mera dil pighalne laga.
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"It's ok.." -uski taraf dekhne se pehle mai bass itna hi bol paya.
Woh bhi puura bhig chuka tha, baarish ki thapeto se- "Its not your fault, Ronnie.."
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"Of course it is my fault.. I just cheated.. How can it be ok..? I just cheated on you Nikhil. I cheated." -Woh apni aankho se aansuo ke saath apni wafadaari ke chhalkaate hue bola.
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Ek dehakti hui peeda mere tan-badan mein daudne lagi.
Dewaar ka sahara chhor kar ab mai sidha khada ho gaya.
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"I did this to us." -maine dhime se kaha.
aur iisi baat ke ehsaas se mere badan ki puur taqat ab khatm hote chali thhi- "Look at what I've done to you, Ronnie. You would never have kissed a stranger if it weren't for me, you are not like that. I've changed you, Ronnie it's all what I've done to you"
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"No." -ek siski ke saath Ronnie ne kaha- "I thought I wanted to hurt you, But I don't. I thought I hated you, but I just can't Nikhil, I can't.. I love you so much Nikhil. I'm sorry."
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mai ek kadam aage badha.
hamari bhini twacha se takraati hui thandi sard hawa ke chalte, ham dono ke badan saaf kaampte hue nazar aate thhe.
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"You're so beautiful, you know Ronnie?" -Apne dono haatho ko uthakar uske chehre tak laate hue halke mulayam suur mein maine kaha, apne dono angutho se uske aansu ki buundo ko pochhte hue, -"Even when you cry, you look beautiful."
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"Why aren't you angry Nikhil..?" -halki uunchi aawaas mein woh bola- "Why aren't you
shouting at me? why not telling me it's all over between us..? or Anything like that..!"
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"Because I deserve this. I deserve to get hurt like this, Ronnie." -apni tut'ti hui awaaz mein maine kaha
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usne halke se muje apni nazdeek khicha.
"I don't deserve you Ronnie, I never have.."   (contd..)
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