Ronnie se meri mulaqaat Rocky ke thru hi hui thi.
Rocky mere hi office mein kuch arsey tak job karne aaya tha.
Uska chhota bhai Ronnie tab apni post graduation kar raha tha.
.
Tab mai apne gay-closet mein tha, Matlab koi meri sexuality ke baare mein jaanta nahi tha. I was quite careful about that.
Rocky bhi meri hi tarah ek gay-in a-closet hi tha.
Uske ghar mein itni frinedly atmoshphere hone ke bavjuud, despite so close to his younger bro Ronnie, usne apne ghar mein kisi ko apni sexuality ki hint tak nahi aane di thi.
.
He was attracted to me while we both worked in a same office, magar woh muje approach nahi kar paya tha.
Aur na hi maine usey apporach kiya tha,
haalanki he was quite handsome boy, magar apne office colligue ke saath sex ka mai koi risk nahi lena chahta tha.
Besides I didn't even had a slightest idea ke Rocky is gay and having some feeling for me. For about six months, ham saath saath job kiya magar bilkul imaandari se..
.
Magar Ronnie ke saath ek dam reverse-case hua.
At the very first sight of his, mai usey dekhta reh gaya.
Jab Rocky ne muje Ronnie se intro karwaya toh mai apne hosh ganwa beitha iis nihayat khubsurat ladke ko dekh kar.
.
Woh ek chhoti si mulaqaat thi, magar mere dil par gehra asar kar ke gayi.
By the time, I reached home, I must have prayed to God atleast a hundred times -O God, Ronnie gay hona chaiye.. he should be a gay guy... agar woh gay nai hai, to hey bhagwaan, usey gay bana do, mere liye uske dil mein gay feelings paida kar do, please God, aap ki zindagibhar mai itni puja karunga jitni aap ke kisi bhi bhakt ne nahi ki hogi.
.
sounds silly.. yeah..?
but dat's a fact..
.
Do din ke baad Ronnie fir se meri office mein apne bhai ko milne aaya, toh muje laga ke ishwar ne meri dua kubul kar li hai, shayad..
kyo ke 2nd mulaqaat mein uski nazar mujpar gadi hi rahi..
he kept on staring at me giving me all hints and signals that he is interested in me.
Wo signal itne loud thhe ke mai 200% sure ho gaya ke Ronnie is interested in me.
Meri khushi ka toh thikana nahi raha..
incredible...!
.
Very next day, shaam ko mai office ke bahar, sadak par taxi ka wait kar raha tha, tab achanak ek gin ki tarah woh mere saamne prakat hua, apni car ke saath.
meri bike service mein di thi, toh muje garage bhi jana tha.
Usne muje lift offer kiya toh I cudn't trust my good-fate.
Uske saath front seat par baithne ke sirf 3mins ke andar woh itna positive responsive raha ke maine apna haath uske thigh par rakh diya.
Usne smile dete hue mujse kaha, -Nikhil, let me concentrate on driving..!
.
Mai hans diya aur apna naseeb azmana jaari rakha.
After another 2mins of groping his thigh, usney achanak apni car rok di.
kaafi serious sa muuh bana kar woh bola -"Nikhil, you are distracting my mind from driving this car. I can't drive it this way...!"
.
Ek pal ke liye hamdono ek dusre ko taakte rahe, teesre hi pal mai aage badha aur uskey lips par apne lips bhida diye..
Usne koi resistance nahi dikkhayi.
That was our first kiss.. but a looooonnng one.. it lasted for very long time..
.
Very same evening we had sex at my place..
I expected it to be a one night stand but it turned out to be a long term one.
It is well said- 'you get the love of your life when you least expect it to come. So just don't run after someone..if it's yours it'll come to you by all the means.'
.
Rocky was the last person jisko mai apne iis affair ke baare mein batana chahta tha.
Maine har ek koshish kari ke mai Ronnie ke saath mere affair ki baat uske badey bhai Rocky se chhupaye rakhu.
.
Magar Ronnie was madly in love with me.
Usne apni sab hesitation aur sharm chhor kar apne dad ko yeh baat bata di.
.
It wasn't an easy thing for the old man to digest this fact that his youngest son is a gay and not only that, he is madly in love with a guy with whom he wants to spent rest of his life.
.
Steve uncle is a god-fearing guy.
Gay sex uski nazar mein ek paap tha.
But above all that he was a loving father jisne hardam apne bachcho ki khushi mein hi apni khushi dekhi thi.
Usne iis baat ko accept toh kar li, magar as a true christian, uski religious feelings kaafi hurt hui thi,
aur yeh baat uske dono beto ki nazar se chhupi nahi rahi.
.
Richie the eldest of all the three, was in love with a parsee girl, Dina.
After giving some time to his dad to recover from this shock, very reluctantly usne apne iis affair ki baat apne dad ko batayi.
Now parsee community is quite a strict a community
iis mein non-parsee se shadi valid nahi hai.
The non-parsee boy or girl has to accept the zorastrian religion before getting into the wed-lock with another parsee person.
Toh uun dono ne live-in-relationship mein rehne ka faisla kiya.
A very bold decision..
This was again a revolutionary step for the consevative christian mind of Steve Uncle.
.
After this two consecutive shocks, Rocky ki koi himmat nahi bani apne dad ko tisra shock dene ki, ke unka ek aur beta bhi gay hai.
For Rocky it was a time to undergo a phase of multi-confusion and depression.
.
Despite he himself being a gay, apna chhota bhai gay hai yeh suunkar usey ek dhakka toh laga hi tha.
Magar worse than it, uska chahita-pyara chhota bhai usi mard ke saath associate hone ja raha hai, jisey woh khud bhi ji-jaan se chahta tha.
Ronnie didn't ever know that even before he had met his lover for the first time, Rocky was nursing a hidden love towards that same guy.
.
Rocky ka fault itna hi tha ke woh Ronnie ke jitna bold nahi tha.
Usne yeh imagine bhi nahi kiya tha ke uska one-sided love jispar tha, woh banda gay bhi ho sakta hai.
Apni sharm aur hesitation ke parde mein woh apni chhupi chahat ke dard ka shikar hota raha..hardam..marte damm tak..
Uska apna mard ek gay hai uus baat ki khushi uske naseeb main nahi thi, kyo ke uske jaan-se -pyaare bhai ne pehle hi uus bandey ko book kar liya tha.
.
Rocky seham gaya.. kisi se kuch nahi kaha.. na toh apne sexuality ki baat, aur na hi yeh baat ke woh Ronnie ka sirft bhai hi nahi, ek competitor bhi hai.
Woh koi taqleef nahi dena chahta tha apne dad ko apni sexuality zaheer kar ke.
Aur na hi Ronnie se apni qurbaani ki baat bata kar woh koi sympathy haansil karna chahta tha.
Woh ek aisa chakor bann kar reh gaya, jo sirf apne chaand ko duur se dekh kar hi pyaar karta hai, uus tak kabhi pahuch nahi sakega.
.
magar har ek ke jivan mein kabhi kabhi ek weak-moment toh aati hi hai jab woh apni saari tapasya ko bhula deta hai, kuch lamho ke liye.
.
Teen saal pehle waali christmas ki shaam ko Steve uncle, Roniie Rocky and myself, ham chaaro uske ghar par beer pi rahe thhe.
Richie was in a hurry toh woh jaldi wind up kar ke chala gaya.
Ronnie ko head-ache hone laga toh woh bhi apne kamre mein ja kar so gaya.
Rocky 2 glass khatm hone tak waste ho gaya aur upar bedroom me soney chala gaya.
.
After may be another 15-20mins mai upar gaya, pishaab karne ko.
Tab maine Rocky ko, sirf apni ek short pehne hue, apne bistar pe peit ke bal soya paya. I was shocked to see him in Ronnie's room, mgar Ronnie apne headache ke chalte, sabse nazdeek kamre mein ja kar so gya tha, jo ke Rocky aur Richie ka bedroom tha.
Toh Rocky ab Ronnie ke bedroom mein soya hua tha.
.
Uske mast badan ko mai kuch waqt tak chuup chaap niharta khada reh gaya.
Muj mein sex ki feelings jaagne lagi.
Tabhi maine Ronnie ke saath wild sex ka plan bana liya.
Magar uus jagah se hilne ka will-power khatm hue ja rha tha.
jitna bann sakey utna chup-chaap mai uske karib gaya aur bed par baith kar Rocky ki male-beauty nhiarne laga.
Maine laakh koshish ki minimum aawaz ho meri aahat ki, magar beer ke nashe ki wajah meri movement kuch jyada hi loud ho hi gayi hogi,
kyo ke immediately Rocky ne apni aankhe kholi aur meri taraf taakne laga.
.
Mai uuth khada hua, magar usne mera haath pakad liya- "Nikhil please, yahi baithe raho mere paas."
Mai ne apna haath chhudana chaha. Magar mere marzi aur na-marzi dono iisme apna apna contribution karti rahi. Toh meri koshish mein koi jyada effect nahi raha tha.
Rocky ne pata nahi meri aankho mein kya padh liya, ke woh mujse lipat gaya.
.
Achanak mere hosh thikaane aane lage..toh mai pichchey hatt gaya.
Ronnie ke gay hone ki baat ek jhatka de gayi muje. Uski mardana beauty muje apni taraf lalcha rahi thi. Magar mai koi risk nahi lena chahta tha. meri relationship mein koi complication nahi chahta tha mai.
Magar fir bhi kuch pal tak Rocky aise zoro se mere jism se lipta rha ke mai usey alag nahi kar paya.
mujse lipte hue reh kar usne apne pyar ka izhaar kiya. family mein apni position ki awkwardness ki duhaai deta rha ke..
middle boy hone ki wajah se hardam apne badey bhai Richard ko respect ke saath woh usey badey hone ke sab hakk deta raha.
toh chhote bhai Ronnie ko, woh sabse chhota hone ki saari benefits bhi deta raha tha zindagi bhar.
usne aage kaha ke Ronnie ke jitna bold na hone ki saza usey mil rahi hai. Uus baat mein apne daddy ki taraf ki uski gehri feelings ne usey dhokha diya hai.
.
mai sab baat suunta rha aur fir ahista se us'se alag hone laga.
woh muje chhorna nahi chahta tha.
mai usey samjaane laga ke yeh kabhi bhi sahi nahi hoga ham teeno ke liye.
Ronnie ko saari zindagi khushi dene ke baad uska yeh ek kadam, uske saare kiye-karaaye par paane fer dega, aisa maine usey samjaaya.
.
woh ro diya..
muje kehne laga ke usey mahaan nahi ban'na hai.
woh ek ordinary ladka hai jiske paas apna ek dil bhi hai..
aur zindagi bhar woh dil itni chot khaya hua hai ke ab usey koi bhi cheez dilasa nahi de payegi. zindagi mein khushi paane ka usko bhi haqq milna chaiye.
.
muje laga ke beer ke nashe mein Rocky sentimental ho gaya hai, toh mai uski sacrifice ko appreciate karta hua room se nikalne laga.
.
Rocky ne muje kuch der ke liye, bass sirf 5-10mins ke liye thehar jaane ke liye kaha.
magar maine uski baat ko seriously na lete hue wahi se chal diya.
muje darr tha, ke kahiin Steve-uncle upar kamre mein na aa jaaye, however mai jaanta tha ke asthama ki wajah se woh sidiya chadhne ka avoid karte hai.
.
Uus raat ke baad, dusre din, Rocky muje mila toh apne pichhli raat ke behaviour ke liye sharminda tha aur muje yeh baat Ronnie ko na batane ki request ki.
Maine usey assurance diya ke yeh baat ham-dono ke beech rahegi.
.
Uus din ke baad, woh muje kabhi akele mein nahi mila.
mujse publicly milne ko bhi woh avoid karta raha, ye baat mujse chhipi nahi rahi.
.
magar ek baat thi, jo mujse hardam chhupi rahi..
woh yeh, ke woh ahista ahista deppression mein utarta gaya tha.
Usne hansna chhor diya tha.
hardam apne khayalo mein rehte rehte woh apni memory tak ko injury karta raha.
kuch arse ke baad woh kisi ko pehchanne tak ki position mein nahi raha.
.
Usko kya pain thi, kya marz tha jo usey khaaye ja rha tha, woh koi na jaan saka.
koi ilaaj uus par asar nahi dikha rha tha.
aur ek raat...
pankhe par latak kar usne apne aap ko fansi de di.
.
.
yeh sadma bahut hi gehra tha sab ke liye..
khaas taur pe Ronnie ke liye..
kyo ke Ronnie hi tha jo last tak uske saath raha, taking all care of him, and always
orrying about him..magar apni laakh koshish ke baojuud woh Rocky ka muuh khulva nahi paya.
.
Ronnie ko yeh afsos hardam raha ke agar woh uski taqleef ko jaan paata, toh uska solution shayad woh uska solution nikaal pata.
maine bhi Ronnie ko laakh samjaaya iis ke baare mein..
ultimately mai kaamyaab hua usey convince karne mein, ke agar woh jaan bhi paata toh bhi woh kuch kar nahi pata.. kyo ke Rocky ne wohi kiya jo usne decide kar liya hoga.
Yeh koi aisa kaam nahi tha jo usne achanak over-night excitement mein kiya hai.
.
Ronnie, toh khair convince ho gaya shayad, magar mai apne dil ko iis baat ke liye convince nahi kar paya.
muje dil hi dil mein aisa lag raha hai, ke uus raat ko agar mai kuchh der ke liye uske saath ruuk gaya hota toh shayad aaj Rocky zinda hota...!
.
Maine Ronnie ko kuch nahi bataya uus raat ke baare mein.
Nahi bataya usey ko Rocky koi aisa hero nahi tha, jaisa woh samaz raha hai.
.
Rocky zinda tha tab bhi, aur marne ke baad bhi Ronnie ki nazaro mein ek adarsh bana raha, jisey Ronnie chahta raha, usey follow karna tha.. hardam.
Rocky ek hero tha Ronnie ke liye, jiske naqsh-e-qadam par woh chalna chahta tha.
magar ek guilt mere dil ko khaye ja rahi thi, har din, har raat..ke uski maut ko rok saku aisi positoin mein toh mai tha shayad..mai chahta toh...
.
yehi sab khayalaat mein duuba hua, thakk kar mai kab so gaya kuchh pata hi nahi chala..
.
.
dusre din office gaya toh Soloman tab muje darr tha, ke Soloman muje avoid karega..
magar jaise hi mai apni seat par baitha, ek tufaan ki tarah woh andar aaya-
"hey, I'm so sorry Nikhil, about last night..! After you left me in the bar all alone, I carried on drinking, and got a lot more drunk than I realised. Please don't read into it, it was just a one-off mistake, honestly."
.
Bechara Soloman, thoda sa nervous to dikh hi raha tha, aur jis betaabi se apne aap ko explain kar rha tha, muje toh hansi aa gayi.
yeh dekh kar woh fir chehak utha - "What..? I mean it yaar, I don't fancy about you or any such thing, trust me..I swear."
.
"Soloman it's ok." -I smiled- "Don't worry about it. Just as long as we're still mates, yeah?"
.
uski explaination se muje koi matlab nahi tha, mai jaanta tha ke woh jo kal pesh aaya woh uska normal behaviour nahi tha. Aisa woh aam taur pe kabhi pesh nahi aata tha. koi bhi eye-signal aaj tak uska aisa nahi tha jo yeh baat ki gawaahi de.
.
"If you wanna talk properly about you and Ronnie, you can do now..last night I tried to take advantage of your hard mood.. but normally i'm not like that.."
.
"I believe you Soloman. But yeah, we'll talk sometime, that would be good. My head is a little messed up lately, I'm scared to think how Ronnie must be feeling –OH FUCK..!"
.
"What happened..? -Soloman ne chaunk kar puchha
.
Maine jaldi se jeb mein haath daal kar apna fon nikala, aur dekha ke koi bhi sms nahi aaya tha.
.
"I didn't text any message to Ronnie last night, or even in this morning till now."
.
"Well.. then do it now." -Soloman hans kar bola- "Don't panic, it was probably good
to give him that bit of space."
.
"Yeah I suppose." -mai blank screen ki taraf dekhte hue bola..kya likhna chaiye woh samaj mein nahi aa rha tha.
.
"Ask him out for a drink.." -Soloman ne suggestion di.
.
"Really..?" -maine puccha-"will it not be too casual considering the situation..?"
.
"Not at all yaar, try and have some fun or something. Lighten up the things between the two of you." -ek experienced consultant ki tarah Soloman bol pada
.
Soloman ki baat maan kar maine Ronnie ko text kiya - `Hey, I hope you're ok. I'm missing you so much. Wanna go out for a drink tonight..? Around 6 or something..? I'll come pick you up from your Dad's.."
.
Mera gala sukhne laga. Meri dhakan ki speed bhi badh gayi.. please say yes... please
muje apna fon niche rakhne ka dil nahi ho raha tha.
Mai uski aur taakta raha..uske response ka wait karte hue.
.
"Relax.." -maine Soloman ko kehte suna
mere haath se fon le kar niche rakhte hue woh bola - "Even if he says no, that doesn't mean he isn't gonna take you back again..."
.
maine ek kamzor smile di, aur apni chair par jhuuk gaya, Soloman ke dilaase se mai shayad convinced nahi ho pa raha tha.
"Suppose...well I'll start with my work.. you too get yourself busy..let's see later"
.
"Yeah, ok...see ya later" -kehte hue woh chala gaya meri cabin se.
.
jaise hi darwaaza bandh hua ke fon ki vibration se meir desk thartharane lagi.
maine fauran fon utha liya. Ronnie ka msg tha- "under one condition.."
.
maine jaldi se reply kiya yeh puchhte hue ke kya condition thi uski..
muje koi parwaah nahi thi, bass i was just desperate to make hi agree to pick him up in the evening from his dad's.
.
reply aayi..-"We go to Woodoo.."
.
mai thamm sa gaya..
magar mere paas koi chaara nahi tha uski baat maan'ne ke siwa.
.
-Ok.. will pick u up.." -maine reply text bheja.. (contd..)
.
.
==================================
Rocky mere hi office mein kuch arsey tak job karne aaya tha.
Uska chhota bhai Ronnie tab apni post graduation kar raha tha.
.
Tab mai apne gay-closet mein tha, Matlab koi meri sexuality ke baare mein jaanta nahi tha. I was quite careful about that.
Rocky bhi meri hi tarah ek gay-in a-closet hi tha.
Uske ghar mein itni frinedly atmoshphere hone ke bavjuud, despite so close to his younger bro Ronnie, usne apne ghar mein kisi ko apni sexuality ki hint tak nahi aane di thi.
.
He was attracted to me while we both worked in a same office, magar woh muje approach nahi kar paya tha.
Aur na hi maine usey apporach kiya tha,
haalanki he was quite handsome boy, magar apne office colligue ke saath sex ka mai koi risk nahi lena chahta tha.
Besides I didn't even had a slightest idea ke Rocky is gay and having some feeling for me. For about six months, ham saath saath job kiya magar bilkul imaandari se..
.
Magar Ronnie ke saath ek dam reverse-case hua.
At the very first sight of his, mai usey dekhta reh gaya.
Jab Rocky ne muje Ronnie se intro karwaya toh mai apne hosh ganwa beitha iis nihayat khubsurat ladke ko dekh kar.
.
Woh ek chhoti si mulaqaat thi, magar mere dil par gehra asar kar ke gayi.
By the time, I reached home, I must have prayed to God atleast a hundred times -O God, Ronnie gay hona chaiye.. he should be a gay guy... agar woh gay nai hai, to hey bhagwaan, usey gay bana do, mere liye uske dil mein gay feelings paida kar do, please God, aap ki zindagibhar mai itni puja karunga jitni aap ke kisi bhi bhakt ne nahi ki hogi.
.
sounds silly.. yeah..?
but dat's a fact..
.
Do din ke baad Ronnie fir se meri office mein apne bhai ko milne aaya, toh muje laga ke ishwar ne meri dua kubul kar li hai, shayad..
kyo ke 2nd mulaqaat mein uski nazar mujpar gadi hi rahi..
he kept on staring at me giving me all hints and signals that he is interested in me.
Wo signal itne loud thhe ke mai 200% sure ho gaya ke Ronnie is interested in me.
Meri khushi ka toh thikana nahi raha..
incredible...!
.
Very next day, shaam ko mai office ke bahar, sadak par taxi ka wait kar raha tha, tab achanak ek gin ki tarah woh mere saamne prakat hua, apni car ke saath.
meri bike service mein di thi, toh muje garage bhi jana tha.
Usne muje lift offer kiya toh I cudn't trust my good-fate.
Uske saath front seat par baithne ke sirf 3mins ke andar woh itna positive responsive raha ke maine apna haath uske thigh par rakh diya.
Usne smile dete hue mujse kaha, -Nikhil, let me concentrate on driving..!
.
Mai hans diya aur apna naseeb azmana jaari rakha.
After another 2mins of groping his thigh, usney achanak apni car rok di.
kaafi serious sa muuh bana kar woh bola -"Nikhil, you are distracting my mind from driving this car. I can't drive it this way...!"
.
Ek pal ke liye hamdono ek dusre ko taakte rahe, teesre hi pal mai aage badha aur uskey lips par apne lips bhida diye..
Usne koi resistance nahi dikkhayi.
That was our first kiss.. but a looooonnng one.. it lasted for very long time..
.
Very same evening we had sex at my place..
I expected it to be a one night stand but it turned out to be a long term one.
It is well said- 'you get the love of your life when you least expect it to come. So just don't run after someone..if it's yours it'll come to you by all the means.'
.
Rocky was the last person jisko mai apne iis affair ke baare mein batana chahta tha.
Maine har ek koshish kari ke mai Ronnie ke saath mere affair ki baat uske badey bhai Rocky se chhupaye rakhu.
.
Magar Ronnie was madly in love with me.
Usne apni sab hesitation aur sharm chhor kar apne dad ko yeh baat bata di.
.
It wasn't an easy thing for the old man to digest this fact that his youngest son is a gay and not only that, he is madly in love with a guy with whom he wants to spent rest of his life.
.
Steve uncle is a god-fearing guy.
Gay sex uski nazar mein ek paap tha.
But above all that he was a loving father jisne hardam apne bachcho ki khushi mein hi apni khushi dekhi thi.
Usne iis baat ko accept toh kar li, magar as a true christian, uski religious feelings kaafi hurt hui thi,
aur yeh baat uske dono beto ki nazar se chhupi nahi rahi.
.
Richie the eldest of all the three, was in love with a parsee girl, Dina.
After giving some time to his dad to recover from this shock, very reluctantly usne apne iis affair ki baat apne dad ko batayi.
Now parsee community is quite a strict a community
iis mein non-parsee se shadi valid nahi hai.
The non-parsee boy or girl has to accept the zorastrian religion before getting into the wed-lock with another parsee person.
Toh uun dono ne live-in-relationship mein rehne ka faisla kiya.
A very bold decision..
This was again a revolutionary step for the consevative christian mind of Steve Uncle.
.
After this two consecutive shocks, Rocky ki koi himmat nahi bani apne dad ko tisra shock dene ki, ke unka ek aur beta bhi gay hai.
For Rocky it was a time to undergo a phase of multi-confusion and depression.
.
Despite he himself being a gay, apna chhota bhai gay hai yeh suunkar usey ek dhakka toh laga hi tha.
Magar worse than it, uska chahita-pyara chhota bhai usi mard ke saath associate hone ja raha hai, jisey woh khud bhi ji-jaan se chahta tha.
Ronnie didn't ever know that even before he had met his lover for the first time, Rocky was nursing a hidden love towards that same guy.
.
Rocky ka fault itna hi tha ke woh Ronnie ke jitna bold nahi tha.
Usne yeh imagine bhi nahi kiya tha ke uska one-sided love jispar tha, woh banda gay bhi ho sakta hai.
Apni sharm aur hesitation ke parde mein woh apni chhupi chahat ke dard ka shikar hota raha..hardam..marte damm tak..
Uska apna mard ek gay hai uus baat ki khushi uske naseeb main nahi thi, kyo ke uske jaan-se -pyaare bhai ne pehle hi uus bandey ko book kar liya tha.
.
Rocky seham gaya.. kisi se kuch nahi kaha.. na toh apne sexuality ki baat, aur na hi yeh baat ke woh Ronnie ka sirft bhai hi nahi, ek competitor bhi hai.
Woh koi taqleef nahi dena chahta tha apne dad ko apni sexuality zaheer kar ke.
Aur na hi Ronnie se apni qurbaani ki baat bata kar woh koi sympathy haansil karna chahta tha.
Woh ek aisa chakor bann kar reh gaya, jo sirf apne chaand ko duur se dekh kar hi pyaar karta hai, uus tak kabhi pahuch nahi sakega.
.
magar har ek ke jivan mein kabhi kabhi ek weak-moment toh aati hi hai jab woh apni saari tapasya ko bhula deta hai, kuch lamho ke liye.
.
Teen saal pehle waali christmas ki shaam ko Steve uncle, Roniie Rocky and myself, ham chaaro uske ghar par beer pi rahe thhe.
Richie was in a hurry toh woh jaldi wind up kar ke chala gaya.
Ronnie ko head-ache hone laga toh woh bhi apne kamre mein ja kar so gaya.
Rocky 2 glass khatm hone tak waste ho gaya aur upar bedroom me soney chala gaya.
.
After may be another 15-20mins mai upar gaya, pishaab karne ko.
Tab maine Rocky ko, sirf apni ek short pehne hue, apne bistar pe peit ke bal soya paya. I was shocked to see him in Ronnie's room, mgar Ronnie apne headache ke chalte, sabse nazdeek kamre mein ja kar so gya tha, jo ke Rocky aur Richie ka bedroom tha.
Toh Rocky ab Ronnie ke bedroom mein soya hua tha.
.
Uske mast badan ko mai kuch waqt tak chuup chaap niharta khada reh gaya.
Muj mein sex ki feelings jaagne lagi.
Tabhi maine Ronnie ke saath wild sex ka plan bana liya.
Magar uus jagah se hilne ka will-power khatm hue ja rha tha.
jitna bann sakey utna chup-chaap mai uske karib gaya aur bed par baith kar Rocky ki male-beauty nhiarne laga.
Maine laakh koshish ki minimum aawaz ho meri aahat ki, magar beer ke nashe ki wajah meri movement kuch jyada hi loud ho hi gayi hogi,
kyo ke immediately Rocky ne apni aankhe kholi aur meri taraf taakne laga.
.
Mai uuth khada hua, magar usne mera haath pakad liya- "Nikhil please, yahi baithe raho mere paas."
Mai ne apna haath chhudana chaha. Magar mere marzi aur na-marzi dono iisme apna apna contribution karti rahi. Toh meri koshish mein koi jyada effect nahi raha tha.
Rocky ne pata nahi meri aankho mein kya padh liya, ke woh mujse lipat gaya.
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Achanak mere hosh thikaane aane lage..toh mai pichchey hatt gaya.
Ronnie ke gay hone ki baat ek jhatka de gayi muje. Uski mardana beauty muje apni taraf lalcha rahi thi. Magar mai koi risk nahi lena chahta tha. meri relationship mein koi complication nahi chahta tha mai.
Magar fir bhi kuch pal tak Rocky aise zoro se mere jism se lipta rha ke mai usey alag nahi kar paya.
mujse lipte hue reh kar usne apne pyar ka izhaar kiya. family mein apni position ki awkwardness ki duhaai deta rha ke..
middle boy hone ki wajah se hardam apne badey bhai Richard ko respect ke saath woh usey badey hone ke sab hakk deta raha.
toh chhote bhai Ronnie ko, woh sabse chhota hone ki saari benefits bhi deta raha tha zindagi bhar.
usne aage kaha ke Ronnie ke jitna bold na hone ki saza usey mil rahi hai. Uus baat mein apne daddy ki taraf ki uski gehri feelings ne usey dhokha diya hai.
.
mai sab baat suunta rha aur fir ahista se us'se alag hone laga.
woh muje chhorna nahi chahta tha.
mai usey samjaane laga ke yeh kabhi bhi sahi nahi hoga ham teeno ke liye.
Ronnie ko saari zindagi khushi dene ke baad uska yeh ek kadam, uske saare kiye-karaaye par paane fer dega, aisa maine usey samjaaya.
.
woh ro diya..
muje kehne laga ke usey mahaan nahi ban'na hai.
woh ek ordinary ladka hai jiske paas apna ek dil bhi hai..
aur zindagi bhar woh dil itni chot khaya hua hai ke ab usey koi bhi cheez dilasa nahi de payegi. zindagi mein khushi paane ka usko bhi haqq milna chaiye.
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muje laga ke beer ke nashe mein Rocky sentimental ho gaya hai, toh mai uski sacrifice ko appreciate karta hua room se nikalne laga.
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Rocky ne muje kuch der ke liye, bass sirf 5-10mins ke liye thehar jaane ke liye kaha.
magar maine uski baat ko seriously na lete hue wahi se chal diya.
muje darr tha, ke kahiin Steve-uncle upar kamre mein na aa jaaye, however mai jaanta tha ke asthama ki wajah se woh sidiya chadhne ka avoid karte hai.
.
Uus raat ke baad, dusre din, Rocky muje mila toh apne pichhli raat ke behaviour ke liye sharminda tha aur muje yeh baat Ronnie ko na batane ki request ki.
Maine usey assurance diya ke yeh baat ham-dono ke beech rahegi.
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Uus din ke baad, woh muje kabhi akele mein nahi mila.
mujse publicly milne ko bhi woh avoid karta raha, ye baat mujse chhipi nahi rahi.
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magar ek baat thi, jo mujse hardam chhupi rahi..
woh yeh, ke woh ahista ahista deppression mein utarta gaya tha.
Usne hansna chhor diya tha.
hardam apne khayalo mein rehte rehte woh apni memory tak ko injury karta raha.
kuch arse ke baad woh kisi ko pehchanne tak ki position mein nahi raha.
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Usko kya pain thi, kya marz tha jo usey khaaye ja rha tha, woh koi na jaan saka.
koi ilaaj uus par asar nahi dikha rha tha.
aur ek raat...
pankhe par latak kar usne apne aap ko fansi de di.
.
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yeh sadma bahut hi gehra tha sab ke liye..
khaas taur pe Ronnie ke liye..
kyo ke Ronnie hi tha jo last tak uske saath raha, taking all care of him, and always
orrying about him..magar apni laakh koshish ke baojuud woh Rocky ka muuh khulva nahi paya.
.
Ronnie ko yeh afsos hardam raha ke agar woh uski taqleef ko jaan paata, toh uska solution shayad woh uska solution nikaal pata.
maine bhi Ronnie ko laakh samjaaya iis ke baare mein..
ultimately mai kaamyaab hua usey convince karne mein, ke agar woh jaan bhi paata toh bhi woh kuch kar nahi pata.. kyo ke Rocky ne wohi kiya jo usne decide kar liya hoga.
Yeh koi aisa kaam nahi tha jo usne achanak over-night excitement mein kiya hai.
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Ronnie, toh khair convince ho gaya shayad, magar mai apne dil ko iis baat ke liye convince nahi kar paya.
muje dil hi dil mein aisa lag raha hai, ke uus raat ko agar mai kuchh der ke liye uske saath ruuk gaya hota toh shayad aaj Rocky zinda hota...!
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Maine Ronnie ko kuch nahi bataya uus raat ke baare mein.
Nahi bataya usey ko Rocky koi aisa hero nahi tha, jaisa woh samaz raha hai.
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Rocky zinda tha tab bhi, aur marne ke baad bhi Ronnie ki nazaro mein ek adarsh bana raha, jisey Ronnie chahta raha, usey follow karna tha.. hardam.
Rocky ek hero tha Ronnie ke liye, jiske naqsh-e-qadam par woh chalna chahta tha.
magar ek guilt mere dil ko khaye ja rahi thi, har din, har raat..ke uski maut ko rok saku aisi positoin mein toh mai tha shayad..mai chahta toh...
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yehi sab khayalaat mein duuba hua, thakk kar mai kab so gaya kuchh pata hi nahi chala..
.
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dusre din office gaya toh Soloman tab muje darr tha, ke Soloman muje avoid karega..
magar jaise hi mai apni seat par baitha, ek tufaan ki tarah woh andar aaya-
"hey, I'm so sorry Nikhil, about last night..! After you left me in the bar all alone, I carried on drinking, and got a lot more drunk than I realised. Please don't read into it, it was just a one-off mistake, honestly."
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Bechara Soloman, thoda sa nervous to dikh hi raha tha, aur jis betaabi se apne aap ko explain kar rha tha, muje toh hansi aa gayi.
yeh dekh kar woh fir chehak utha - "What..? I mean it yaar, I don't fancy about you or any such thing, trust me..I swear."
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"Soloman it's ok." -I smiled- "Don't worry about it. Just as long as we're still mates, yeah?"
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uski explaination se muje koi matlab nahi tha, mai jaanta tha ke woh jo kal pesh aaya woh uska normal behaviour nahi tha. Aisa woh aam taur pe kabhi pesh nahi aata tha. koi bhi eye-signal aaj tak uska aisa nahi tha jo yeh baat ki gawaahi de.
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"If you wanna talk properly about you and Ronnie, you can do now..last night I tried to take advantage of your hard mood.. but normally i'm not like that.."
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"I believe you Soloman. But yeah, we'll talk sometime, that would be good. My head is a little messed up lately, I'm scared to think how Ronnie must be feeling –OH FUCK..!"
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"What happened..? -Soloman ne chaunk kar puchha
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Maine jaldi se jeb mein haath daal kar apna fon nikala, aur dekha ke koi bhi sms nahi aaya tha.
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"I didn't text any message to Ronnie last night, or even in this morning till now."
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"Well.. then do it now." -Soloman hans kar bola- "Don't panic, it was probably good
to give him that bit of space."
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"Yeah I suppose." -mai blank screen ki taraf dekhte hue bola..kya likhna chaiye woh samaj mein nahi aa rha tha.
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"Ask him out for a drink.." -Soloman ne suggestion di.
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"Really..?" -maine puccha-"will it not be too casual considering the situation..?"
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"Not at all yaar, try and have some fun or something. Lighten up the things between the two of you." -ek experienced consultant ki tarah Soloman bol pada
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Soloman ki baat maan kar maine Ronnie ko text kiya - `Hey, I hope you're ok. I'm missing you so much. Wanna go out for a drink tonight..? Around 6 or something..? I'll come pick you up from your Dad's.."
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Mera gala sukhne laga. Meri dhakan ki speed bhi badh gayi.. please say yes... please
muje apna fon niche rakhne ka dil nahi ho raha tha.
Mai uski aur taakta raha..uske response ka wait karte hue.
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"Relax.." -maine Soloman ko kehte suna
mere haath se fon le kar niche rakhte hue woh bola - "Even if he says no, that doesn't mean he isn't gonna take you back again..."
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maine ek kamzor smile di, aur apni chair par jhuuk gaya, Soloman ke dilaase se mai shayad convinced nahi ho pa raha tha.
"Suppose...well I'll start with my work.. you too get yourself busy..let's see later"
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"Yeah, ok...see ya later" -kehte hue woh chala gaya meri cabin se.
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jaise hi darwaaza bandh hua ke fon ki vibration se meir desk thartharane lagi.
maine fauran fon utha liya. Ronnie ka msg tha- "under one condition.."
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maine jaldi se reply kiya yeh puchhte hue ke kya condition thi uski..
muje koi parwaah nahi thi, bass i was just desperate to make hi agree to pick him up in the evening from his dad's.
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reply aayi..-"We go to Woodoo.."
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mai thamm sa gaya..
magar mere paas koi chaara nahi tha uski baat maan'ne ke siwa.
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-Ok.. will pick u up.." -maine reply text bheja.. (contd..)
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