Soloman ke jaane ke baad, mai cabin mein akela reh gaya.
Ronnie ki yaad hardam aati rahi, maine khud ne khade kiye hue, aise haalaat se ab mai
thakne laga tha,
apne aap par gussa aa raha tha muje.
Ronnie ko bahut jyada miss karne laga tha mai.
.
kal raat waali kiss meri aankho ke saamne ubharti rahi.
How wonderful the kiss was.
.
Dopahar ke baad maine Ronnie ko message karne ko socha.
Kaise start karu kuch samaj mein nahi aa rha tha, toh bass kuch simple tarike se maine likha -"How you feeling..?"
.
Mai jaanta tha, ke circumstances ko dhyan mein rakhte hue, yeh ek stupid question tha,
magar achraj ke beech, usne fauran reply diya mere sms ka, jo ke ek achchi sign thi, aisa muje laga.
Magr uski reply koi positive nahi thi.
"Like a Shit.." -usne reply mein likhkar bheja.
"Sorry. Can I come see you..? We could go out somewhere..' -I replied.
`No. Not tonight.' -uski reply aayi.
.
uski naa padhkar mera dil baith gaya.
Magar sirft aaj ki raat ke liye mana kiya hai, hamesha ke liye nahi.
Iska matlab toh achcha hi samajna chahiye, aisa muje laga.
ya aisa toh nahi, ke mai kuch jyada hi ummid baadh kar baitha hu..?
.
Aage kya likhna chahiye woh fir se ek confusion ho gayi.
Mai decide nahi kar paya ke usey raazi karne ke liye muje aur bhi try karni chahiye
ya ke fir, usey kuch space deni chahiye kuch waqt ke liye.
Jitna aur waqt usey mai deta woh muje aur bhi jyada khatm karte jata tha.
Ab..
fir se ek raat without Ronnie ke rehna ki baat, mere liye bardaasht ke bahar tha.
Tabhi mere khayalo ko interrupt karne kisi ne meri cabin par dastak di.
.
"Come in.." -mai ne aawaz di, magar saath saath maine ronnie ko sms bhej diya -"I love you"
.
Soloman andar aaya, chehre par ek sympathic smile liye hue.
Mood kharab hone ki wajah se muje aisa hi lag raha tha, ke woh saala maska maarne aaya hai.
Magar andar hi andar dil mein, mai jaanta tha ke woh actually aisa nahi kar rha hai.
.
"I don't know what's going on in your life right now." -usne sympathy ke saath kaha- "But I think you could do with a beer and a chat."
.
"That's a nice offer Soloman, but –" -ek thandi aah ke saath maine kehna shuru kiya, ke usne meri baat kaat di
.
"I'm not taking NO for an answer. For the full day, you have had a face as if someone has slapped on your ass. Dude, you clearly need some cheering up."
.
ek chhoti si smile di maine, woh bhi jabardasti se.
mera koi mood nahi bann raha tha bahar jaane ke liye.
.
"Come on Nikhil." -usne request ki- "You'll have fun. Let me try to change the atmosphere around you. "
.
Mai aage kuch kahu, us'se pehle..
"Even if you don't feel like talking about what's going on with you, at least I can tell you all about my one night fun of last night." -usne aankh maarte hue kaha.
.
"Fine.. one drink.." -maine apni haar maan li.
.
"Good" -He smiled- "Let's go then, its already 4 o'clock..!"
.
maine usey ek weak smile dete hue apna Laptop switch-off kiya aur apne fon par ke nazar daali,
magar meri mayusi ke beech, Ronnie ka koi sms nahi aaya tha.
I hope you still love me, -I thought painfully...
.
.
"Cheers.. " -Town ke baahar ek silent si Restaurant mein beer ke glass takraane ki mithi awaaz ke beech woh chehak utha
.
"Cheers to you to Mate.." -apne aap ke liye sorry feel karte hue, maine uski khushi ki dua ki.
But in between, ek nazar uske upar-niche daalna mai rok nahi paya.
.
His well fitted black trousers showed off his cute little ass
and he was wearing a dark blue shirt.
He had such a nice slender body.
His hair looked good too; slightly ruffled with a few stands sweeping across his face.
.
After a while, kuch relaxation feel hone lagi, jiski muje sach mein jarurat thi.
"So...how was your `date' last night then?" -woh muje kuch puchhe is'sey pehle maine usey casually puchha.
.
"Yaar, he was hot..! But surprisingly very easy, if you know what I mean..! We were only chatting for about half an hour I think, and he all of a sudden, he told that he wanted me to fuck him.."
.
"Really..?" -maine ek hansi ke saath usey pucha.
mai uus waqt ka Soloman ka chehra imagine karne laga, jaise kisi ne usey kisi plate mein aisa sexy ladka offer kar diya ho.
Soloman jitna simple tha, us'se muje doubt tha, ke woh aisi forwardness ka aadi tha ke nahi.
Mostly woh kaafi shy type ka hi ladka tha.
.
"I was literally speechless..yaar..!" -woh bol pada
"I beleive that you said yes then.. of course after the initial shock..! Where did you do it..? did you go back to his place ?"
.
"No..He didn't have any. But I could manage. A friend's house is empty these days. We had sex, then we talked for a little while, and then he left. That was it. He didn't seem to want to stick around for long..!"
.
"That's a shame yaar. Well hopefully it did not affect your 'performance', right..?." -I teased him.
.
"Indeed not..!" -He laughed- "It was after a long period, but still I did not lose my hand. I was a great performer.. !"
.
"No reason for me to doubt.." -I smiled- "So..? what was his name?"
"Ronnie." -usne casually kaha-. "His name was Ronnie."
.
.
.
.
.
.
Chaunk gaya mai..
.
"You fucking what..?" -mai gusse se uchhal pada- "You slept with Ronnie?"
.
fauran ek darr, ek jealousy ne mere dil-o-dimaag par kabza kar liya.
Mere dil ki dhadkan itni badh gayi ke mere tharr-thaar kaampte hue haatho ko beer ke glaas ka vazan bhi nahi uthaya ja saka.
Maine glass niche rakh diya aur mai Soloman ki taraf dekhta raha, haraamzaada kuch reply de uske intazaar mein.
Mere dimaag mein visuals ubhar aaye, usko Ronnie ke purey badan ko touch karte hue.
Usne Ronnie ke saath enjoy kiya..? jaise mai Ronnie ko kilkaariyaa bharwata hu, kya iis kutte ne bhi waise hi kiya hoga?
Ek ghutan si hone lagi muje.
Meri aankho mein nami chhane lagi magar us'se uun dono ki intimate chhabi dhundli nahi ho pa rahi thi.
Dono ke nange badan, dono ki zubaan ek dusre mein ulajti hui..!
aargh..!
kitna bimaar kar denewala, kitna dard paida karnewala khyal tha yeh.
.
"You...know him..?" -haklaate hue Soloman aage kuch bol na paya
"Know him..?" -maine khade hote hue kaha- "He's my fucking boyfriend..!"
.
apni mutthiya bhinste hue mai uske maathe par jhuka rha.
Gussey ki ya taqlif ki, pata nahi kaunsi expression mere chehre par jyada ubhri hui thi.
.
"No, Nikhil" -usne kaampte hue kaha- "No, He has never even heard the name of the company where I work. Your boy-friend must be at least knowing where you work."
.
Mai kuch relieved hua.
But wait..
yeh bhi possible hai ke Ronnie ne us'se juuth kaha ho.
.
"What does your Ronnie look like..?" -Soloman ne desperate hote hue puchha- "You have a photo on your cell-phone?"
.
Mera haath apne fon par gaya,
tab hi muje khyaal aaya ke yeh toh naya handset hai, just a week purana.
Kuch dino pehle Ronnie ke saath sea-shore par masti mein kuch dhyaan hi nahi raha tha jab mere upper-pocket se mera fon dariya mein gir gaya tha.
Muskil se contacts and calender wala data hi transfer ho paya hai is'mein.
Pics and music wala section toh bilkul khaali hai.
"You tell me first," -maine daant piste hue kaha- "so I may know that you aren't bullshitting me."
.
"Ok.. Well, he was about my height," -ek saans rok kar apne aap ke prepare karte hue woh bola.
Check. Sahi hai. Ronnie ki bhi height utni hai, Soloman ke jitni, mujse 4inch short, -maine socha
.
"Same as my age...." -woh aage bola
Check.. fir se sahi.
.
"Dark hair..."
Check.
.
"He was wearing a...dark green t-shirt and Jeans.." -he continued.
.
Fir mai thoda relaxed ho gaya,
Ronnie kal raat mere ghar se gaya, tab usne aisi koi tshirt nahi pehni thi.
But wait..
muje realise hua..usne apne dad ke ghar mein dress-change toh ki hi hogi, shayad.
Aur kal raat maine usey kaun se tshirts pack karke diye thhe, I dont remember.
.
"Slim..."
Fucking.. check again.
.
"Erm...brown eyes...I think?"
"You think?" -gussey se meri aawaz tarrane lagi thi
Yeh sahi mein gussa dilane waali baat thi..
I just wanted to know for sure, if it was my Ronnie he had been with...
.
"I...I can't really remember. But I'm almost certain his eyes were brown."
.
"What about his cock?" -maine besharmi se puucha.
.
Soloman seham gaya ek pal ke liye.
Apne boy-friend ko identify karne ke liye maine kitna behuda sahara liya hai, uus bbat se woh hairaan reh gaya.
.
Ronnie uncut tha. Lekin woh christian tha.
Har muslim ki tarah har christian 'cut' nahi hota. 'Uncut' hona chiristian mein kaafi common baat hai.
Toh mera Ronnie bhi uncut tha.
.
"C...cut.." -aisi intimate detail ko refer karne mein hone waali kuch embarrassment ke saath woh bola- "Definitely cut."
.
Honesty, uus waqt hui thi woh relief ko bayaan karne ke words muje nahi mil rahe hai
.
"You sure..?" -saaf mehsuus ki jaane wali trembling ke saath maine pucha.
Ro padne waali sensation se mai ladd raha hu, yeh baat us'se chhipi nahi reh payi thi.
"Promise. I promise he was cut." -usne muje assurance di.
.
.
iis ke saath mai chal diya, uus restaurant ke bahar.
Achanak paida hui situation se Soloman ko ekdam shocked rakh kar, mai apni bike par sawaar ho gaya.
Woh mere saath meri bike par hi yaha aise remot-area ke restaurant mein aaya tha, toh meri duty thi usey town mein aisi jagah le ja kar drop karne ki, jaha se usey taxi mil paaye.
.
Magar itna sochne ki taqat nahi thi uus waqt mere mein.
uus waqt to bass, mein chhutkaara pa rha tha, aise khayalo se ke mai Ronnie ko cheat karte hue pakad raha hu.
.
Ghar pahuch kar bike park karne ke baad girte-samhalte mai darwaaze tak aaya.
Aur andar ja kar darwaza bandh karne ke saath hi.. I collapsed onto the floor, and sobbed my fucking heart out.
.
May be for an hour so, mai yehi haalat mein raha.
fir maine apna fon nikala.
Muje laga ke muje kaafi relief mil gayi thi, magar fir bhi Ronnie ko Soloman ke saath imagine karne ki baat muje ab bhi utni hi taqleef de rahi thi jitni ki pehle, jab yeh clear nahi hua tha ke woh ladka kaun tha.
.
Ronnie mujse cheat kar rha hai, woh idea hi bahut intense aur excruciating tha.
Magar abhi jo hua us'sey bhi jyada jis baat ne muje dhakka pahuchaya, woh yeh yeh feel karna ke Ronnie ne kaise feel kiya hoga jab usne muje unfaithful discover kiya tha.
Muje iis peeda ka pehle ehsaas nahi tha.
Magar ab iis ehsaas ko khud bhugatne ke baad mai apne aap ko aur bhi jyada dhikkaarne laga.
Apne dhile dhaale haatho se maine Ronnie ko fon lagaya.
Maine apni sisikiyo ko control mein rakhna ki koshish bhi kari, magar sab fruitless hui.
.
"Ronnie?" -woh fon ko answer kare ussey pehle mai desperate hota chala- "Ronnie. I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."
.
muje koi idea nahi ke apni siskiyo ke beech maine jo kuchh kaha usey woh samaj paya ke nahi, magar maine apni baatein jaari rakhi.
.
"I love you so much. I can't believe what I've done to you, Ronnie. I can't believe I took the risk of hurting you so many times. I can't believe that I even looked at another man. No one compares to you. Ronnie, no one. I love you. I love you so much."
.
Mai apna dil khol kar fon par undelne laga, tab bich bich mein uski siskiyo ki awaaz aati rahi.
Maine usey bataya ke mai kabhi bhi aise kisi person se nahi mila hu jisne muje Ronnie ki tarah sukh diya ho.
Maine usey yeh bhi kaha ke maine jab jab usey perfect kaha hai tab tab usmein koi jyaadti nahi thi.
Maine kaha ke woh khush rehne ko, ek devta ki tarah treat paane ko, actually deserve karta hai.
Jitni ho sakey, maine uski sarahna ki, iis ummid se nahi ke mai usey wapas jeet saku,
aur na hi uski chaplusi karne ko.
I praised him because I truely meant it.
.
Mere dukhte hue dil ke saath maine usey kaha, ke mai usey khush dekhna chahta hu, chahe iiska matlab yeh ho ke woh mere saath na bhi rahe.
.
.
Finally jab mai saans lene ke liye ruuka,
toh fon mere haath se sarak kar niche gir gaya.
Main farsh par hi baitha raha,
waise hi.. jab tak ke kisi ne darwaaze par knock kiya.. (contd..)
.
.
====================================
Ronnie ki yaad hardam aati rahi, maine khud ne khade kiye hue, aise haalaat se ab mai
thakne laga tha,
apne aap par gussa aa raha tha muje.
Ronnie ko bahut jyada miss karne laga tha mai.
.
kal raat waali kiss meri aankho ke saamne ubharti rahi.
How wonderful the kiss was.
.
Dopahar ke baad maine Ronnie ko message karne ko socha.
Kaise start karu kuch samaj mein nahi aa rha tha, toh bass kuch simple tarike se maine likha -"How you feeling..?"
.
Mai jaanta tha, ke circumstances ko dhyan mein rakhte hue, yeh ek stupid question tha,
magar achraj ke beech, usne fauran reply diya mere sms ka, jo ke ek achchi sign thi, aisa muje laga.
Magr uski reply koi positive nahi thi.
"Like a Shit.." -usne reply mein likhkar bheja.
"Sorry. Can I come see you..? We could go out somewhere..' -I replied.
`No. Not tonight.' -uski reply aayi.
.
uski naa padhkar mera dil baith gaya.
Magar sirft aaj ki raat ke liye mana kiya hai, hamesha ke liye nahi.
Iska matlab toh achcha hi samajna chahiye, aisa muje laga.
ya aisa toh nahi, ke mai kuch jyada hi ummid baadh kar baitha hu..?
.
Aage kya likhna chahiye woh fir se ek confusion ho gayi.
Mai decide nahi kar paya ke usey raazi karne ke liye muje aur bhi try karni chahiye
ya ke fir, usey kuch space deni chahiye kuch waqt ke liye.
Jitna aur waqt usey mai deta woh muje aur bhi jyada khatm karte jata tha.
Ab..
fir se ek raat without Ronnie ke rehna ki baat, mere liye bardaasht ke bahar tha.
Tabhi mere khayalo ko interrupt karne kisi ne meri cabin par dastak di.
.
"Come in.." -mai ne aawaz di, magar saath saath maine ronnie ko sms bhej diya -"I love you"
.
Soloman andar aaya, chehre par ek sympathic smile liye hue.
Mood kharab hone ki wajah se muje aisa hi lag raha tha, ke woh saala maska maarne aaya hai.
Magar andar hi andar dil mein, mai jaanta tha ke woh actually aisa nahi kar rha hai.
.
"I don't know what's going on in your life right now." -usne sympathy ke saath kaha- "But I think you could do with a beer and a chat."
.
"That's a nice offer Soloman, but –" -ek thandi aah ke saath maine kehna shuru kiya, ke usne meri baat kaat di
.
"I'm not taking NO for an answer. For the full day, you have had a face as if someone has slapped on your ass. Dude, you clearly need some cheering up."
.
ek chhoti si smile di maine, woh bhi jabardasti se.
mera koi mood nahi bann raha tha bahar jaane ke liye.
.
"Come on Nikhil." -usne request ki- "You'll have fun. Let me try to change the atmosphere around you. "
.
Mai aage kuch kahu, us'se pehle..
"Even if you don't feel like talking about what's going on with you, at least I can tell you all about my one night fun of last night." -usne aankh maarte hue kaha.
.
"Fine.. one drink.." -maine apni haar maan li.
.
"Good" -He smiled- "Let's go then, its already 4 o'clock..!"
.
maine usey ek weak smile dete hue apna Laptop switch-off kiya aur apne fon par ke nazar daali,
magar meri mayusi ke beech, Ronnie ka koi sms nahi aaya tha.
I hope you still love me, -I thought painfully...
.
.
"Cheers.. " -Town ke baahar ek silent si Restaurant mein beer ke glass takraane ki mithi awaaz ke beech woh chehak utha
.
"Cheers to you to Mate.." -apne aap ke liye sorry feel karte hue, maine uski khushi ki dua ki.
But in between, ek nazar uske upar-niche daalna mai rok nahi paya.
.
His well fitted black trousers showed off his cute little ass
and he was wearing a dark blue shirt.
He had such a nice slender body.
His hair looked good too; slightly ruffled with a few stands sweeping across his face.
.
After a while, kuch relaxation feel hone lagi, jiski muje sach mein jarurat thi.
"So...how was your `date' last night then?" -woh muje kuch puchhe is'sey pehle maine usey casually puchha.
.
"Yaar, he was hot..! But surprisingly very easy, if you know what I mean..! We were only chatting for about half an hour I think, and he all of a sudden, he told that he wanted me to fuck him.."
.
"Really..?" -maine ek hansi ke saath usey pucha.
mai uus waqt ka Soloman ka chehra imagine karne laga, jaise kisi ne usey kisi plate mein aisa sexy ladka offer kar diya ho.
Soloman jitna simple tha, us'se muje doubt tha, ke woh aisi forwardness ka aadi tha ke nahi.
Mostly woh kaafi shy type ka hi ladka tha.
.
"I was literally speechless..yaar..!" -woh bol pada
"I beleive that you said yes then.. of course after the initial shock..! Where did you do it..? did you go back to his place ?"
.
"No..He didn't have any. But I could manage. A friend's house is empty these days. We had sex, then we talked for a little while, and then he left. That was it. He didn't seem to want to stick around for long..!"
.
"That's a shame yaar. Well hopefully it did not affect your 'performance', right..?." -I teased him.
.
"Indeed not..!" -He laughed- "It was after a long period, but still I did not lose my hand. I was a great performer.. !"
.
"No reason for me to doubt.." -I smiled- "So..? what was his name?"
"Ronnie." -usne casually kaha-. "His name was Ronnie."
.
.
.
.
.
.
Chaunk gaya mai..
.
"You fucking what..?" -mai gusse se uchhal pada- "You slept with Ronnie?"
.
fauran ek darr, ek jealousy ne mere dil-o-dimaag par kabza kar liya.
Mere dil ki dhadkan itni badh gayi ke mere tharr-thaar kaampte hue haatho ko beer ke glaas ka vazan bhi nahi uthaya ja saka.
Maine glass niche rakh diya aur mai Soloman ki taraf dekhta raha, haraamzaada kuch reply de uske intazaar mein.
Mere dimaag mein visuals ubhar aaye, usko Ronnie ke purey badan ko touch karte hue.
Usne Ronnie ke saath enjoy kiya..? jaise mai Ronnie ko kilkaariyaa bharwata hu, kya iis kutte ne bhi waise hi kiya hoga?
Ek ghutan si hone lagi muje.
Meri aankho mein nami chhane lagi magar us'se uun dono ki intimate chhabi dhundli nahi ho pa rahi thi.
Dono ke nange badan, dono ki zubaan ek dusre mein ulajti hui..!
aargh..!
kitna bimaar kar denewala, kitna dard paida karnewala khyal tha yeh.
.
"You...know him..?" -haklaate hue Soloman aage kuch bol na paya
"Know him..?" -maine khade hote hue kaha- "He's my fucking boyfriend..!"
.
apni mutthiya bhinste hue mai uske maathe par jhuka rha.
Gussey ki ya taqlif ki, pata nahi kaunsi expression mere chehre par jyada ubhri hui thi.
.
"No, Nikhil" -usne kaampte hue kaha- "No, He has never even heard the name of the company where I work. Your boy-friend must be at least knowing where you work."
.
Mai kuch relieved hua.
But wait..
yeh bhi possible hai ke Ronnie ne us'se juuth kaha ho.
.
"What does your Ronnie look like..?" -Soloman ne desperate hote hue puchha- "You have a photo on your cell-phone?"
.
Mera haath apne fon par gaya,
tab hi muje khyaal aaya ke yeh toh naya handset hai, just a week purana.
Kuch dino pehle Ronnie ke saath sea-shore par masti mein kuch dhyaan hi nahi raha tha jab mere upper-pocket se mera fon dariya mein gir gaya tha.
Muskil se contacts and calender wala data hi transfer ho paya hai is'mein.
Pics and music wala section toh bilkul khaali hai.
"You tell me first," -maine daant piste hue kaha- "so I may know that you aren't bullshitting me."
.
"Ok.. Well, he was about my height," -ek saans rok kar apne aap ke prepare karte hue woh bola.
Check. Sahi hai. Ronnie ki bhi height utni hai, Soloman ke jitni, mujse 4inch short, -maine socha
.
"Same as my age...." -woh aage bola
Check.. fir se sahi.
.
"Dark hair..."
Check.
.
"He was wearing a...dark green t-shirt and Jeans.." -he continued.
.
Fir mai thoda relaxed ho gaya,
Ronnie kal raat mere ghar se gaya, tab usne aisi koi tshirt nahi pehni thi.
But wait..
muje realise hua..usne apne dad ke ghar mein dress-change toh ki hi hogi, shayad.
Aur kal raat maine usey kaun se tshirts pack karke diye thhe, I dont remember.
.
"Slim..."
Fucking.. check again.
.
"Erm...brown eyes...I think?"
"You think?" -gussey se meri aawaz tarrane lagi thi
Yeh sahi mein gussa dilane waali baat thi..
I just wanted to know for sure, if it was my Ronnie he had been with...
.
"I...I can't really remember. But I'm almost certain his eyes were brown."
.
"What about his cock?" -maine besharmi se puucha.
.
Soloman seham gaya ek pal ke liye.
Apne boy-friend ko identify karne ke liye maine kitna behuda sahara liya hai, uus bbat se woh hairaan reh gaya.
.
Ronnie uncut tha. Lekin woh christian tha.
Har muslim ki tarah har christian 'cut' nahi hota. 'Uncut' hona chiristian mein kaafi common baat hai.
Toh mera Ronnie bhi uncut tha.
.
"C...cut.." -aisi intimate detail ko refer karne mein hone waali kuch embarrassment ke saath woh bola- "Definitely cut."
.
Honesty, uus waqt hui thi woh relief ko bayaan karne ke words muje nahi mil rahe hai
.
"You sure..?" -saaf mehsuus ki jaane wali trembling ke saath maine pucha.
Ro padne waali sensation se mai ladd raha hu, yeh baat us'se chhipi nahi reh payi thi.
"Promise. I promise he was cut." -usne muje assurance di.
.
.
iis ke saath mai chal diya, uus restaurant ke bahar.
Achanak paida hui situation se Soloman ko ekdam shocked rakh kar, mai apni bike par sawaar ho gaya.
Woh mere saath meri bike par hi yaha aise remot-area ke restaurant mein aaya tha, toh meri duty thi usey town mein aisi jagah le ja kar drop karne ki, jaha se usey taxi mil paaye.
.
Magar itna sochne ki taqat nahi thi uus waqt mere mein.
uus waqt to bass, mein chhutkaara pa rha tha, aise khayalo se ke mai Ronnie ko cheat karte hue pakad raha hu.
.
Ghar pahuch kar bike park karne ke baad girte-samhalte mai darwaaze tak aaya.
Aur andar ja kar darwaza bandh karne ke saath hi.. I collapsed onto the floor, and sobbed my fucking heart out.
.
May be for an hour so, mai yehi haalat mein raha.
fir maine apna fon nikala.
Muje laga ke muje kaafi relief mil gayi thi, magar fir bhi Ronnie ko Soloman ke saath imagine karne ki baat muje ab bhi utni hi taqleef de rahi thi jitni ki pehle, jab yeh clear nahi hua tha ke woh ladka kaun tha.
.
Ronnie mujse cheat kar rha hai, woh idea hi bahut intense aur excruciating tha.
Magar abhi jo hua us'sey bhi jyada jis baat ne muje dhakka pahuchaya, woh yeh yeh feel karna ke Ronnie ne kaise feel kiya hoga jab usne muje unfaithful discover kiya tha.
Muje iis peeda ka pehle ehsaas nahi tha.
Magar ab iis ehsaas ko khud bhugatne ke baad mai apne aap ko aur bhi jyada dhikkaarne laga.
Apne dhile dhaale haatho se maine Ronnie ko fon lagaya.
Maine apni sisikiyo ko control mein rakhna ki koshish bhi kari, magar sab fruitless hui.
.
"Ronnie?" -woh fon ko answer kare ussey pehle mai desperate hota chala- "Ronnie. I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."
.
muje koi idea nahi ke apni siskiyo ke beech maine jo kuchh kaha usey woh samaj paya ke nahi, magar maine apni baatein jaari rakhi.
.
"I love you so much. I can't believe what I've done to you, Ronnie. I can't believe I took the risk of hurting you so many times. I can't believe that I even looked at another man. No one compares to you. Ronnie, no one. I love you. I love you so much."
.
Mai apna dil khol kar fon par undelne laga, tab bich bich mein uski siskiyo ki awaaz aati rahi.
Maine usey bataya ke mai kabhi bhi aise kisi person se nahi mila hu jisne muje Ronnie ki tarah sukh diya ho.
Maine usey yeh bhi kaha ke maine jab jab usey perfect kaha hai tab tab usmein koi jyaadti nahi thi.
Maine kaha ke woh khush rehne ko, ek devta ki tarah treat paane ko, actually deserve karta hai.
Jitni ho sakey, maine uski sarahna ki, iis ummid se nahi ke mai usey wapas jeet saku,
aur na hi uski chaplusi karne ko.
I praised him because I truely meant it.
.
Mere dukhte hue dil ke saath maine usey kaha, ke mai usey khush dekhna chahta hu, chahe iiska matlab yeh ho ke woh mere saath na bhi rahe.
.
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Finally jab mai saans lene ke liye ruuka,
toh fon mere haath se sarak kar niche gir gaya.
Main farsh par hi baitha raha,
waise hi.. jab tak ke kisi ne darwaaze par knock kiya.. (contd..)
.
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