Ronnie muje cheat kar raha hai, uus khayal ne muje ekdam hila ke rakh diya tha.
Tabhi muje ehsaas hua ke Ronnie, without Ronnie actually cheating me, mai itna distrub ho sakta hu, toh jab Ronnie ne muje range haatho pakad liya tha usey cheat karte hue, toh uske dil par kya biti hogi.
.
Issi khayaalo ke saath mai farsh par be-haal sa pada raha
tab tak..ke jab kisi ne knock kiya mere darwaaze par.
.
.
Maine apni writst-watch mein dekha, sham ke 8baj chuke thhe,
matlab kam se kam 30mins mai farsh par pada raha, sirf Ronnie ke baare mein sochte hue.
.
iis waqt ke darmiyaaan mai sochta raha, ke kitna muje Ronnie ne help kiya tha, iis makaan ko kharidne mein, issey real-sense mein ek ghar banane mein, hamara ghar..
.
Mai kabhi apne parents se jyada connected nahi rha hu.
Adulthood acquire karne ke fauran baad, mai ghar ke bahar hi raha hu, for studies or for my job.
Very rarely I went to meet my widow mother and my divorcee elder sister.
.
.
Magar Ronnie toh apni family se always closely attached hi raha hai.
Uski mom kaafi arsey pehle guzar chuki thi, may be more than 15years ago.
But his dad didn't remarry.
Apne teeno ladke, Richie, Rocky aur Ronnie ko unho ne mom and dad dono ka pyar diya. His dad never interfered in the decisions of his sons.
But always guided them in proper fatherly way.
Is'se ghar ka atmosphere kaafi free and friendly raha.
As a result father and the 3 brothers were quite attached to each other.
But even more, Ronnie apne middle bro Rocky se toh bahut jyada attached tha, as compared to the eldest Richie.
uun dono mein age-difference hardly 2saal ka hi tha, may be, yeh ek wajah hogi.
Aise friend-like-family ko chhor kar Ronnie mere saath rehne aa gaya, just for me.
And what he recieve from me, just unjustice and pain.
Tabhi maine fir darwaaze par fir se dastak suni.
Jo bhi tha bahar woh ab jyada betaab ho raha tha.
Maine darwaza khola, ekdam casually without any anxiety,
magar bahar nazar karte hi meri saans thamm gayi.
.
Ronnie tha waha..
Ronnie aaya tha mere ghar magar bilkul khush nahi lag raha tha woh.
maine dekha woh kaafi ruuva sa aur thaka hua dikh rha tha.
.
"What the hell, Nikhil?" -usne zor se chillate hue kaha.
Meri chhati par haath se dhakka dekar usne muje pichhe dhakela aur aage, andar aaya
firr apne pichhe zor se darwaaza bandh kar diya
.
Woh kaafi gussey mein lag rha tha.
Uska itna aggressive hona kaafi nayi baat thi. It wasn't in his nature,
Aur waise bhi ham-dono kabhi ek duje par ek ungli tak nahi rakhte thhe.
toh uska aise muje dhakka de kar andar aana..
.
I was stunned, genuinely shocked at seeing Ronnie so Ronnie.
Hamari for par ki conversation koi arguement nahi thi.
Maine toh usey koi bura-bhala nahi kaha tha.
.
"What's wrong?" -mai hairani se bol pada.
.
"What the fuck was that phone call about?" -woh chillaya- "You ring and go on saying about how you feel about me, tell me that you're sorry and all that shit, but then just hang up the phone on me ? What does that even mean..?"
.
mai hakka-bakka sa dekhtra rha usey.
woh emotionally kaafi tuuta hua dikh raha tha. ek hi waqt mein rota aur chillata hua bhi... kuch bhi kehne ke liye mai kaafi confused tha.
maine aisi confrontation kabhi bhi expect nahi ki thi.
Honesty, muje kuch samaz mein nahi aa rha tha.
.
"huh?" -mai itna hi bol paya
.
"Is it...is it over?" -woh rote hue bola, uska gussa achanak gayab ho gaya- "Is that what you were trying to tell me..?"
.
"No..." -mai sans liye bina bol pada. uska chehra apni hatheliyo mein lekar maine kaha- "No...I was just telling you that I want you to be happy, Ronnie. And if that means not being with me...then I can understand. You're all I care about."
.
I could see the turmoil in his eyes.
Clearly, he didn't want us to come to an end, lekin kuud kar meri baanho mein aane ke liye bhi woh ready nahi tha.
.
Aankho mein nami ke saath ham-dono ek duje ko dekhte rahe.
Kash.. mai uske dil mein fir se bharosa kar paau.
.
Tabhi woh achanak aage badha aur muje apni baaho mein bhar kar muje deep-kiss karne laga.
indeed, yeh ek surprise thi mere liye..
definitely a surprose..
magar ek pal ki iis surprise ke baad, maine apne aap ko samhaal liya aur usey co-operate karne laga.
do-teen pal ki woh deep kiss, kuch der baad ek halki fulki si innocent kiss ban gayi, jismein koi vaasna nahi thi. Agar tha, toh bass ek duje ke liye ka pyaar. .
.
Ek duje ko baaho mein bharte hue bina apne muuh ko alag kiye hue ham dono sofa par baith gaye and we continued it for much much more longer time.
.
.
.
kaafi der ke baad..jab mai jaaga toh Ronnie ab bhi meri baaho mein tha.
Ham dono ki aankh lag gayi thi kuch waqt ke liye.
Mai kaafi relieved feel kar rha tha, ke iis ka kuch toh matlab nikalta hoga jo meri favour mein tha.
agar ham dono ki relationship ka bright-future na hota, toh woh saamne se muje kiss na karta.
aur uske baad bhi ham dono ne ek duje ko countless kisses ki thi.
usne muje yeh jataya ke usne bhi muje utna hi miss kiya tha, jitna ke maine usey.
.
I too hope that I was been able to make him feel loved, and made him believe that every ounce of my compassion, was meant for him, and him only.
.
.
mere siney par apna chehre rakh kar, woh meri baaho mein leita hua tha,
Mai uski har ek detail nihaarta raha.
uske naazuk patle honth, uske sharp-cheekbones, jo ke uske chehre ko itna jyada handsome banate thhe.
And his eyes...those incredible eyes which, even while closed, were amazing with their long, feathery eyelashes.
I couldn't believe how much I loved him.
We made the perfect team, which was proven while obtaining our this home.
.
Meri sister ki la-ilaaj bimaari ki treatment ke kharche ki wajah se, iis ghar ke installments dene mein jab muje financially problems aane lagi thi, tab bhi maine apni sister ko help dene ka jaari rakhne ke decide kiya tha..
magar mere decision mein usne koi dakhal-andaazi nahi di thi.
.
Usne khud bhi ek extra part-time job kar li.
Waise toh woh ek MNC mein HR Dept mein tha, toh waisa aur koi kaam usey milne se raha.
Tab usne ek gande se beer-bar mein late evening mein cashier ka job kar liya.
Mai chahta tha ke Ronnie woh kaam jald se jald chhor de.
But he was determined to get us out of the financial crisis.
.
Ham house-rent na de paate toh deposit tak forfiet ho sakti thi, but Ronnie came out with flying colours in such crucial time of our relationship.
.
Magar maine uske har effort ko dishonour kar diya, Aasif ko hamre bedroom mein le aa karke.
.
Ab yeh sab picche chhut jaane wala hai, uus baat ke ehsaas se relaxed feel karte hue, maine usey apni baaho mein khincha.
Magar ek halke se effort ke saath woh chehra pichhe le gaya.
.
"Come on," -I coaxed- "I've missed you so much."
.
Ronnie ke expressions kuchh relaxed hue.
Woh muje lovingly dekhta raha aur bola -"I too missed you.I don't want to lose you again, Nikhil. I can't... you know? I couldn't have cope-up without you."
.
'cope-up' se uska matlab tha...saamna karna, mukabla karna..!
yes, apne bhai Rockie ko miss karne ki apni ladaai ki woh baat kar raha tha.
.
mai samaj sakta hu ke woh loss uske liye kaafi jordaar saabit hua tha.
Ham-dono ke break-up ne muje jitna todd diya tha, toh khuda na karey, agar Ronnie ko kuch ho jaaye to meri kya condition hogi..uus khyaal se hi mai daar jata hu.
Aise mein Ronnie ko apni jaan-se-bhi-jyada-aziz bhai ki maut ka sadma kitna gehra hoga.. I can very well understand,
.
magar fir bhi,
Rocky ki maut ko 2saal ho gaye hai,
aur aaj 2saal ke baad bhi usey itna difficult kyo ho raha hai, woh muje tajjub sa lag raha tha.
shayad jis tarike se Rocky ki maut hui thi, woh baat hi iske liye jimmedar hogi.
yeh ek gehra shock de gayi hogi.
Abhi bhi Ronnie darr or dard ke maare, chikhta chillata aise jaag uthta hai, jisey witness karna ek horrible baat hoti hai.
woh apni chest ko dabakar masalta rehta hai, maano usey saans bhi lene mein taqlif ho rahi ho.
pure kamre mein yaha-waha woh aise daudta-bhagta hai jaise abhi kuch hi pal mein woh nervous break-down ka shikaar hone wala ho.
.
Woh muje lovingly dekhta raha aur bola -"I too missed you.I don't want to lose you again, Nikhil. I can't... you know, I couldn't have cope-up without you."
.
"I'm not going anywhere," -maine mulayam suur mein kaha- "I love you more than anything, Ronnie."
.
suddenly uski aankho mein udaasi chha gayi aur usne apni aankhe chura li.
mere siney mein apna sar chhupa liya aur apni ungliya mere peit mei chubha kar dabochne laga.
.
"What's wrong..? -maine puccha
"Nothing.." -gehri soch mein dubi hui uski aawaz aayi.
"I promise I'll never hurt you again, Ronnie. I promise I'll spend forever making it up to you."
"I think it's too late," -usne fir roni si aawaz mein kaha- " I don't hope this pain will ever go away."
Galey aur aankho se uske aansu muje sunnai dene lage.
"It will Ronnie, Please don't lose faith in us," -I whispered,
magar muje khud ko meri iis baat pe vishwaas nahi tha.
muje daar tha ke meri iis dhokhe baazi ka saaya lambe arsey tak hamari relationship par padta rahega, chaahe mai kitni bhi koshish karu mere diye hue iin ghaavo ko bharne ke liye.
.
Ronnie halke se khada hua.
mai bhi bina-marzi ke us'se alag hokar baith gaya.
Uske saath ki iis physical closeness ab khatm honey ja rahi thi..
muje andaza aa gaya ke ab Ronnie fir se hamari problem ke baare mai baat karne wala hai.
.
"I can't stop picturing the two of you. And thinking about who else you've been with, and when..."
.
yes, I was right...mera andaza sahi nikla.
.
"Ronnie, please," -maine apni aawaz soft rakhte hue kaha,
kyo ke mai maanta tha ke usey haq tha yeh baat chhedne ka. magar khudgarzi se mai yehi chahta tha, ke hamari relationship aise jaari rahe, maano kuch nahi hua hai.
.
muje koi marzi nahi thi fir se uus baat ko chhedne ki. as if hamara koi relationship-breakdown hua hi na ho.
.
"I should go.." -usne ek thandi saans lete hue kaha aur apne kapde theek thaak karne laga.
.
Mai uske handsome jism ko niharta raha. bikhri hui zulfo ke chalte woh photoshop ke kisi model ki tarah khubsurat lag raha tha.
..
"We can get through this, you know," -maine kaha uus ummid ke saath ke woh meri baat mein rahe vishwaas ko suun sakey.
Achanak hi Ronnie muje kaafi thaka hua lagne laga..
uski palke bhaari si..
aankho ke nichey black circles..
aadha khula hua uska muuh, jo uskey chehre ko aur lamba sa dikhane laga tha.
yes, maine hi usey itna thaka hua depressed bana diya tha.
.
apne kandho ko jhatka dekar meri baato ko unsuna karte hue woh chal diya.
mai uske pichhey pichey gaya..
"Ronnie," usey apni aarms mein lete hue maine kaha- "Come here."
.
"I wanna go to see Rocky," -mere kandho mein chhipi hui uski siski ko maine suuna.
toh maine usey aur bhi tightly hug kiya.. uski pain ko thodi relief miley iis ummid se.
mai chahta tha ke mai uus mein firse woh confidence inject kar paau, jo ek waqt usmein hua karti thi.
"Just relax Ronnie..You've got me, -maine halke se kaha.
.
yeh suun kar woh achanak roney laga.
Maine usey aur sakhti se jakad liya..
Tab zor se woh mujse alag ho gaya aur mere gaal par ek thappad maar di.
I was shocked.
koi zordaar thappad nahi thi, magar yeh aisi harkat thi jo usne kabhi bhi pehle ki nahi thi..
.
"Fuck you, Nikhilesh Mahajan..!" -he wept- "I haven't got you; I've never had you. Never."
.
aur muje hakka-bakka sa chhor kar woh ghar se bhaag nikla.
.
muje uske pichhe daudna chahiye tha..magar mai nahi dauda
kyo ke usey thodi space dene ka maine decide kar liya tha.
maine usey aise ladke mein tabdeel kar diya tha, jisey mai khud bhi na pehchaan paau.
ab muje, usey waapas paane ke liye, koi nayi strategy ke baare mein sochna tha.
.
sab mess ho chuka tha.. ek pal mein woh meri feelings ko positive response deta hai,
toh dusre hi pal hamari relationship ke aage ek bada sa question mark lagate hue muje chhor kar bhaag nikalta hai.
.
kaise karna, kya karna, kuch samaz main nahi aata tha,
magar mai itna toh jaanta tha ke muje iis masle ko beech mein nahi chhor dena hai, chaahe kitna bhi complex yeh kyo na bann jata ho..
.
.
Shower lene ke baad muje bhukh lagne lagi tab muje Soloman ka khayal aaya.
muje laga ke muje Soloman ko sms karna chaiye.
jis tarah mai uske saath pesh aaya tha, muje us'se maafi maangni chaiye.
Woh ek achcha ladka hai.
.
.
`Hey. I'm sorry about earlier; I completely lost it and I shouldn't have.' -maine sms kiya.
.
fauran uska replya aaya -`It's ok. I'm here if you need to talk.'
.
kaafi achcha feel hua muje..
yeah, I need someone to talk..
meri life mein yeh jo kuch ho raha hai usey kisi ke saath ab muje share karna hi tha.
Toh jyada kuch soche bina maine Soloman ko coffee ke liye mere ghar invite kar diya.
Woh abhi apne ghar nahi pahucha tha.
On the way tha,
toh usne mera invitation kubul kar liya
it was already 10pm magar fir bhi woh mere ghar aane ko taiyaar ho gaya.
Aur mai uski wait karne laga.. (contd..)
.
===============================
Tabhi muje ehsaas hua ke Ronnie, without Ronnie actually cheating me, mai itna distrub ho sakta hu, toh jab Ronnie ne muje range haatho pakad liya tha usey cheat karte hue, toh uske dil par kya biti hogi.
.
Issi khayaalo ke saath mai farsh par be-haal sa pada raha
tab tak..ke jab kisi ne knock kiya mere darwaaze par.
.
.
Maine apni writst-watch mein dekha, sham ke 8baj chuke thhe,
matlab kam se kam 30mins mai farsh par pada raha, sirf Ronnie ke baare mein sochte hue.
.
iis waqt ke darmiyaaan mai sochta raha, ke kitna muje Ronnie ne help kiya tha, iis makaan ko kharidne mein, issey real-sense mein ek ghar banane mein, hamara ghar..
.
Mai kabhi apne parents se jyada connected nahi rha hu.
Adulthood acquire karne ke fauran baad, mai ghar ke bahar hi raha hu, for studies or for my job.
Very rarely I went to meet my widow mother and my divorcee elder sister.
.
.
Magar Ronnie toh apni family se always closely attached hi raha hai.
Uski mom kaafi arsey pehle guzar chuki thi, may be more than 15years ago.
But his dad didn't remarry.
Apne teeno ladke, Richie, Rocky aur Ronnie ko unho ne mom and dad dono ka pyar diya. His dad never interfered in the decisions of his sons.
But always guided them in proper fatherly way.
Is'se ghar ka atmosphere kaafi free and friendly raha.
As a result father and the 3 brothers were quite attached to each other.
But even more, Ronnie apne middle bro Rocky se toh bahut jyada attached tha, as compared to the eldest Richie.
uun dono mein age-difference hardly 2saal ka hi tha, may be, yeh ek wajah hogi.
Aise friend-like-family ko chhor kar Ronnie mere saath rehne aa gaya, just for me.
And what he recieve from me, just unjustice and pain.
Tabhi maine fir darwaaze par fir se dastak suni.
Jo bhi tha bahar woh ab jyada betaab ho raha tha.
Maine darwaza khola, ekdam casually without any anxiety,
magar bahar nazar karte hi meri saans thamm gayi.
.
Ronnie tha waha..
Ronnie aaya tha mere ghar magar bilkul khush nahi lag raha tha woh.
maine dekha woh kaafi ruuva sa aur thaka hua dikh rha tha.
.
"What the hell, Nikhil?" -usne zor se chillate hue kaha.
Meri chhati par haath se dhakka dekar usne muje pichhe dhakela aur aage, andar aaya
firr apne pichhe zor se darwaaza bandh kar diya
.
Woh kaafi gussey mein lag rha tha.
Uska itna aggressive hona kaafi nayi baat thi. It wasn't in his nature,
Aur waise bhi ham-dono kabhi ek duje par ek ungli tak nahi rakhte thhe.
toh uska aise muje dhakka de kar andar aana..
.
I was stunned, genuinely shocked at seeing Ronnie so Ronnie.
Hamari for par ki conversation koi arguement nahi thi.
Maine toh usey koi bura-bhala nahi kaha tha.
.
"What's wrong?" -mai hairani se bol pada.
.
"What the fuck was that phone call about?" -woh chillaya- "You ring and go on saying about how you feel about me, tell me that you're sorry and all that shit, but then just hang up the phone on me ? What does that even mean..?"
.
mai hakka-bakka sa dekhtra rha usey.
woh emotionally kaafi tuuta hua dikh raha tha. ek hi waqt mein rota aur chillata hua bhi... kuch bhi kehne ke liye mai kaafi confused tha.
maine aisi confrontation kabhi bhi expect nahi ki thi.
Honesty, muje kuch samaz mein nahi aa rha tha.
.
"huh?" -mai itna hi bol paya
.
"Is it...is it over?" -woh rote hue bola, uska gussa achanak gayab ho gaya- "Is that what you were trying to tell me..?"
.
"No..." -mai sans liye bina bol pada. uska chehra apni hatheliyo mein lekar maine kaha- "No...I was just telling you that I want you to be happy, Ronnie. And if that means not being with me...then I can understand. You're all I care about."
.
I could see the turmoil in his eyes.
Clearly, he didn't want us to come to an end, lekin kuud kar meri baanho mein aane ke liye bhi woh ready nahi tha.
.
Aankho mein nami ke saath ham-dono ek duje ko dekhte rahe.
Kash.. mai uske dil mein fir se bharosa kar paau.
.
Tabhi woh achanak aage badha aur muje apni baaho mein bhar kar muje deep-kiss karne laga.
indeed, yeh ek surprise thi mere liye..
definitely a surprose..
magar ek pal ki iis surprise ke baad, maine apne aap ko samhaal liya aur usey co-operate karne laga.
do-teen pal ki woh deep kiss, kuch der baad ek halki fulki si innocent kiss ban gayi, jismein koi vaasna nahi thi. Agar tha, toh bass ek duje ke liye ka pyaar. .
.
Ek duje ko baaho mein bharte hue bina apne muuh ko alag kiye hue ham dono sofa par baith gaye and we continued it for much much more longer time.
.
.
.
kaafi der ke baad..jab mai jaaga toh Ronnie ab bhi meri baaho mein tha.
Ham dono ki aankh lag gayi thi kuch waqt ke liye.
Mai kaafi relieved feel kar rha tha, ke iis ka kuch toh matlab nikalta hoga jo meri favour mein tha.
agar ham dono ki relationship ka bright-future na hota, toh woh saamne se muje kiss na karta.
aur uske baad bhi ham dono ne ek duje ko countless kisses ki thi.
usne muje yeh jataya ke usne bhi muje utna hi miss kiya tha, jitna ke maine usey.
.
I too hope that I was been able to make him feel loved, and made him believe that every ounce of my compassion, was meant for him, and him only.
.
.
mere siney par apna chehre rakh kar, woh meri baaho mein leita hua tha,
Mai uski har ek detail nihaarta raha.
uske naazuk patle honth, uske sharp-cheekbones, jo ke uske chehre ko itna jyada handsome banate thhe.
And his eyes...those incredible eyes which, even while closed, were amazing with their long, feathery eyelashes.
I couldn't believe how much I loved him.
We made the perfect team, which was proven while obtaining our this home.
.
Meri sister ki la-ilaaj bimaari ki treatment ke kharche ki wajah se, iis ghar ke installments dene mein jab muje financially problems aane lagi thi, tab bhi maine apni sister ko help dene ka jaari rakhne ke decide kiya tha..
magar mere decision mein usne koi dakhal-andaazi nahi di thi.
.
Usne khud bhi ek extra part-time job kar li.
Waise toh woh ek MNC mein HR Dept mein tha, toh waisa aur koi kaam usey milne se raha.
Tab usne ek gande se beer-bar mein late evening mein cashier ka job kar liya.
Mai chahta tha ke Ronnie woh kaam jald se jald chhor de.
But he was determined to get us out of the financial crisis.
.
Ham house-rent na de paate toh deposit tak forfiet ho sakti thi, but Ronnie came out with flying colours in such crucial time of our relationship.
.
Magar maine uske har effort ko dishonour kar diya, Aasif ko hamre bedroom mein le aa karke.
.
Ab yeh sab picche chhut jaane wala hai, uus baat ke ehsaas se relaxed feel karte hue, maine usey apni baaho mein khincha.
Magar ek halke se effort ke saath woh chehra pichhe le gaya.
.
"Come on," -I coaxed- "I've missed you so much."
.
Ronnie ke expressions kuchh relaxed hue.
Woh muje lovingly dekhta raha aur bola -"I too missed you.I don't want to lose you again, Nikhil. I can't... you know? I couldn't have cope-up without you."
.
'cope-up' se uska matlab tha...saamna karna, mukabla karna..!
yes, apne bhai Rockie ko miss karne ki apni ladaai ki woh baat kar raha tha.
.
mai samaj sakta hu ke woh loss uske liye kaafi jordaar saabit hua tha.
Ham-dono ke break-up ne muje jitna todd diya tha, toh khuda na karey, agar Ronnie ko kuch ho jaaye to meri kya condition hogi..uus khyaal se hi mai daar jata hu.
Aise mein Ronnie ko apni jaan-se-bhi-jyada-aziz bhai ki maut ka sadma kitna gehra hoga.. I can very well understand,
.
magar fir bhi,
Rocky ki maut ko 2saal ho gaye hai,
aur aaj 2saal ke baad bhi usey itna difficult kyo ho raha hai, woh muje tajjub sa lag raha tha.
shayad jis tarike se Rocky ki maut hui thi, woh baat hi iske liye jimmedar hogi.
yeh ek gehra shock de gayi hogi.
Abhi bhi Ronnie darr or dard ke maare, chikhta chillata aise jaag uthta hai, jisey witness karna ek horrible baat hoti hai.
woh apni chest ko dabakar masalta rehta hai, maano usey saans bhi lene mein taqlif ho rahi ho.
pure kamre mein yaha-waha woh aise daudta-bhagta hai jaise abhi kuch hi pal mein woh nervous break-down ka shikaar hone wala ho.
.
Woh muje lovingly dekhta raha aur bola -"I too missed you.I don't want to lose you again, Nikhil. I can't... you know, I couldn't have cope-up without you."
.
"I'm not going anywhere," -maine mulayam suur mein kaha- "I love you more than anything, Ronnie."
.
suddenly uski aankho mein udaasi chha gayi aur usne apni aankhe chura li.
mere siney mein apna sar chhupa liya aur apni ungliya mere peit mei chubha kar dabochne laga.
.
"What's wrong..? -maine puccha
"Nothing.." -gehri soch mein dubi hui uski aawaz aayi.
"I promise I'll never hurt you again, Ronnie. I promise I'll spend forever making it up to you."
"I think it's too late," -usne fir roni si aawaz mein kaha- " I don't hope this pain will ever go away."
Galey aur aankho se uske aansu muje sunnai dene lage.
"It will Ronnie, Please don't lose faith in us," -I whispered,
magar muje khud ko meri iis baat pe vishwaas nahi tha.
muje daar tha ke meri iis dhokhe baazi ka saaya lambe arsey tak hamari relationship par padta rahega, chaahe mai kitni bhi koshish karu mere diye hue iin ghaavo ko bharne ke liye.
.
Ronnie halke se khada hua.
mai bhi bina-marzi ke us'se alag hokar baith gaya.
Uske saath ki iis physical closeness ab khatm honey ja rahi thi..
muje andaza aa gaya ke ab Ronnie fir se hamari problem ke baare mai baat karne wala hai.
.
"I can't stop picturing the two of you. And thinking about who else you've been with, and when..."
.
yes, I was right...mera andaza sahi nikla.
.
"Ronnie, please," -maine apni aawaz soft rakhte hue kaha,
kyo ke mai maanta tha ke usey haq tha yeh baat chhedne ka. magar khudgarzi se mai yehi chahta tha, ke hamari relationship aise jaari rahe, maano kuch nahi hua hai.
.
muje koi marzi nahi thi fir se uus baat ko chhedne ki. as if hamara koi relationship-breakdown hua hi na ho.
.
"I should go.." -usne ek thandi saans lete hue kaha aur apne kapde theek thaak karne laga.
.
Mai uske handsome jism ko niharta raha. bikhri hui zulfo ke chalte woh photoshop ke kisi model ki tarah khubsurat lag raha tha.
..
"We can get through this, you know," -maine kaha uus ummid ke saath ke woh meri baat mein rahe vishwaas ko suun sakey.
Achanak hi Ronnie muje kaafi thaka hua lagne laga..
uski palke bhaari si..
aankho ke nichey black circles..
aadha khula hua uska muuh, jo uskey chehre ko aur lamba sa dikhane laga tha.
yes, maine hi usey itna thaka hua depressed bana diya tha.
.
apne kandho ko jhatka dekar meri baato ko unsuna karte hue woh chal diya.
mai uske pichhey pichey gaya..
"Ronnie," usey apni aarms mein lete hue maine kaha- "Come here."
.
"I wanna go to see Rocky," -mere kandho mein chhipi hui uski siski ko maine suuna.
toh maine usey aur bhi tightly hug kiya.. uski pain ko thodi relief miley iis ummid se.
mai chahta tha ke mai uus mein firse woh confidence inject kar paau, jo ek waqt usmein hua karti thi.
"Just relax Ronnie..You've got me, -maine halke se kaha.
.
yeh suun kar woh achanak roney laga.
Maine usey aur sakhti se jakad liya..
Tab zor se woh mujse alag ho gaya aur mere gaal par ek thappad maar di.
I was shocked.
koi zordaar thappad nahi thi, magar yeh aisi harkat thi jo usne kabhi bhi pehle ki nahi thi..
.
"Fuck you, Nikhilesh Mahajan..!" -he wept- "I haven't got you; I've never had you. Never."
.
aur muje hakka-bakka sa chhor kar woh ghar se bhaag nikla.
.
muje uske pichhe daudna chahiye tha..magar mai nahi dauda
kyo ke usey thodi space dene ka maine decide kar liya tha.
maine usey aise ladke mein tabdeel kar diya tha, jisey mai khud bhi na pehchaan paau.
ab muje, usey waapas paane ke liye, koi nayi strategy ke baare mein sochna tha.
.
sab mess ho chuka tha.. ek pal mein woh meri feelings ko positive response deta hai,
toh dusre hi pal hamari relationship ke aage ek bada sa question mark lagate hue muje chhor kar bhaag nikalta hai.
.
kaise karna, kya karna, kuch samaz main nahi aata tha,
magar mai itna toh jaanta tha ke muje iis masle ko beech mein nahi chhor dena hai, chaahe kitna bhi complex yeh kyo na bann jata ho..
.
.
Shower lene ke baad muje bhukh lagne lagi tab muje Soloman ka khayal aaya.
muje laga ke muje Soloman ko sms karna chaiye.
jis tarah mai uske saath pesh aaya tha, muje us'se maafi maangni chaiye.
Woh ek achcha ladka hai.
.
.
`Hey. I'm sorry about earlier; I completely lost it and I shouldn't have.' -maine sms kiya.
.
fauran uska replya aaya -`It's ok. I'm here if you need to talk.'
.
kaafi achcha feel hua muje..
yeah, I need someone to talk..
meri life mein yeh jo kuch ho raha hai usey kisi ke saath ab muje share karna hi tha.
Toh jyada kuch soche bina maine Soloman ko coffee ke liye mere ghar invite kar diya.
Woh abhi apne ghar nahi pahucha tha.
On the way tha,
toh usne mera invitation kubul kar liya
it was already 10pm magar fir bhi woh mere ghar aane ko taiyaar ho gaya.
Aur mai uski wait karne laga.. (contd..)
.
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