Akbar-Birbal ke Kissey (1)

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Dosto, Akbar-Birbal ke kissey toh bachpan mein tum sab ne padhe honge..
magar yeh wala nahi padha hoga,
kyo ke uus waqt tum kaafi chhote thhe, yeh padhne ke liye..
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yeh baat hai Akbar ke zamane ki.
usne 9 chutiye lundoore paal rakhe thhe.
popularly known as his 9-Ratans...!!!
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Birbal aur Tansen me bada Kaampitisan raha karta tha...
ek din gusse me aake Tansen kehta hai ki
"ab faisla ho hi jaye, ki kaun zyada bada betichod hai..? mai shart marta huun ki mai Akbar ki begam Jodha-Bai ke mammey chuus sakta huun"
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Birbal ki hans hans ke, gaand me dard ho gaya.
kehta hai ki "Agar tuney aisa kar diya to agle din bhari sabha me mai nangaa aaunga"
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bas fir hona kya tha..?
lag gayi shart..
Tansen gaya bazaar, ek sapere ke paas.
kehta hai -"Bhai, mujhe ek saanp chahiye, untrained aur bina zehar ke hona chahiye."
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saanp kharid kar, Tansen usko ghar pe training dena shuru karta hai.
ek aadmi ka putla bana ke saanp ko kehta hai -"beta SAPPU uske taang pe kaat."
toh sappu putle ke taang pe jake dans leta hai...
aise hi training karte karte, sappu Tansen ka ishara dekh kar taang, haath, gala etc ko dansna seekh jaata hai..
jahaan bhi Tansen ishara karta, Sappu waha dans leta...
training karke sappu ab taiyar ho gaya Big-Day ke liye...
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ab baat aisi thi,
ke Akbar aur Jodha-bai, har subah apne bagiche mein sair ke liye nikalte thhe.
dusree din subah Tansen bhi apne sappu ke saath bagiche mein ja pahucha,
aur jhadiyon me chhip gaya.
jahanpanah Akbar aur uski begum ko aata dekh Tansen ne sappu ko phat se nikaal ke zameen pe chhor diya
aur ishara Jodha-Bai ke boobs ki taraf karke bola -
"BETA SAPPU, dikha apna kamaal. ja dans le Rani ke mammo ko...."
Sappu phat se gaya,
begum ki taang par chadh ke, maansal jaangho se gujer ke chuut ko paar kar ke,
seedha ja pahuchta hai, mammo ke beech waali khsai mein
fir waha se, plan ke mutabik, seedha left turn le ke chadh jata hai top pe.
aur ek second mein, saali ko dans leta hai, nipple pe...
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Jodha chikhne lagi" Haay marr gayi.. Abey mere randibaaj Akbar, kuch kar na.."
Akbar  to paagal ho gaya -"Arre bachaao, koi bachaao. meri begum ko saanp ne dans liya. koi Bachaoooo.."
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Tabhi Tansen nikla jhadiyon se,
bhaag ke gaya aur bola -"Jahanpanah, ek upaay hai mere paas, rani sahebaan ko bachane ka. Mai agar zehar chuus kar bahar nikaal duun, toh aap gussa ho kar meri gand to nahi katwa denge na..?
Akbar bola -"Madarchod, jo bhi karna ho, jaldi kar. magar meri begum ko bacha le..."
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phir kya tha..!
Tansen ne phat se Jodha bai ko pakda,
uske kapde Shakti Kapuur ki tarah faade
aur mammey bahar nikaal kar chhosne laga....
aur kuch hi der mein puure ke puure choos dale, Akbar ke saamne.
Aur idher-udher haath bhi maar liye, harami ne..
;-)
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Birbal ne ye baat suuni,
to uski gaand se maano, Rocket guzar gaya..
man hi man sochne laga -Bhenchod, kal to luut gayee izzat, bhare darbaar mein nang-dhadang jaans padega....gaand lag gayi, yaar...
Usne khoob socha,
baal khujlaye (upar ke bhi neeche ke bhi)
lekin no idea...
Gaand jab khujaayi, to idea lund ki tarah uchhal kar baahar aaya...
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Agle din darbaar laga,
Akbar ne sabke samne Tansen ki tareef ki.
aur kaha -"agar Tansen mein zehar chuusne ki shakti nahi hoti, toh Jahanpanah aaj randwe
hote....aur akele akele apna hila rahe hote....
Tansen on other hand, cud not wait for Birbal to make an appearance...
woh khushi ke maare pagal ho raha tha, ye soch kar,
ki -jab Birbal bhare darbaar me nanga hokar aayega, toh Akbar ki gaand sharm se paani paani ho jayegi. Yesss, wo Birbal ke gaand pe itne hunter maarega, ki Birbal ki 7 pushte muuh se hagegi.
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tabhi darbaar me hulchul machi...
sabne dekha ki Birbal nanga hokar,
apna lauda haath mein pakde, daudta hua aa raha hai...
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Bas phir hona kya tha..!
Akbar ki gaand gusse se LAAL ho gayi...
bola -"Birbal ye kya gustaakhi hai..? teri himmat kaise hui aise nange aane ki..?"
Birbal bola "haaye Jahanpanah, mai mar gaya. mujhe saanp ne kaat liya,"
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Akbar hiil gaya..
woh bola -"abey, kahaan kata..? kuch batayega bhi..? ya aise hi lund pakad kar khada rahega..?"
Birlbal juuth-muuth ka muh bana kar bola -"yaha, mere laude pe.."
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Akbar bola "arey toh itna tension kyu le rha hai..apna yeh lundoor hai na..expert hai yeh..Tansen ja, chuus le Birbal ka lund "
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fir, aage toh aap jante hi hai ke kya hua hoga..
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