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Saturday, December 29, 2012

HYDERABADI BIRYAANI

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You guys must be knowing about the famous American kid, little Johny.
His sentences are full of dirty-shit and filthy-fuck words
But in Hyderabad we have our own little Johnny.
His name is Chhotu.
His father is ambitious to educate Chotu.
Chotu goes to school located in a backward area Appa Chabutra.
The principal of the school is educated in Urdu high school
and claims that he passed tenth class..!
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Now, tomorrow there is a school inspection
and today the conversation is as follows:
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Teacher: "Kal inispector ayinga. Kochchanaa (questions) puchinga. Sab achchaa padkey aao. Koi galath answer dingaa naa.. tho main uske pairaan thod detoon."
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Chotu: "Iski maakki. Kyun aara inispector? Kaam nai hai usku? Kya kochchanaa puchta katey?"
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Teacher: "Abey tereku kaiku re..? tu kal school aanaaich nai. Tu tera moo khola to gaaliaan nikaltay. Tereku main absent nai daalthaun. Ghar pe baithkey gotiyaan khel. Tu school aayingaa to inispector ke saamney mere izzat ki biryaani banake khaaingaa tu."
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So our Chotu is excited,
goes home and tells his father that he is not going to school the next day.
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Father: "Ye kyaa hai..? ischool hai ki paan-dabba hai? Gaand pay maartoon saale tu ischool nai gaya to..!"
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Chotu: "Arey Bava, mera teacher bola nakko aao bolke.."
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Father: "Usku akhal hai..? Begum suno..! Chotu ischool nai jayinga kathey kal. Agar ino ischool nai gaya to kaise padhinga? Chotu, agar tu kal ischool nahin gaya naa, tere haathan pairaan thod daaltaun."
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So Chotu cries
and finally agrees to go to school.
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Next day at the school, the teacher is very upset to see Chotu back.
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Teacher: "Arey teri maakki. Nakko aao bole, to bhi kaiku aaya re?"
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Chotu: "Mera bava gaand phod detaon bola, ischool nai gaya to."
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Teacher: "Offo! Tera bava bola..? Theek hai chal.. Last bench pe baith aur inispector aaya to chhup jaa... Dikhnaich nai. Kuch bhi gadbad karinga naa meri noukri gaand lag jayingi."
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So Chotu goes and sits on the last bench hiding behind a tall guy.
Inspector from the education department comes for the visit.
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Inspector: "Adaab."
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Teacher: "Adaab saab. Bachen acha pad rain saab. Kochchanaa puchey to answeraan yun bolte..chuti bajaake.."
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Inspector: "Abaa.. Offo..! Ittey kilever(clever) hai aapke bachchey? Achchaa, ek bahuth aasaan sawaal -Hamarey jisam mein sab se nazook cheez kaun si hai?"
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Teacher: "Arey Imtiyaz tu bata re..!"
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Imtiyaz: "Saab, Kaleja saab."
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Inspector: "Aisa..? woh kyun..?"
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Imtiyaz: "Saab, kaleja hai to sab kuch hota. Agar wo gaya naa, kuch bhi nahin hota saab..!"
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Inspector: "Abaa, kya tez potta hai re..! Aur koi..?"
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Teacher: "Arey Akram, tu bata re.."
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Akram: "Saab, bheja saab. Bhejey ku khuch bhi hua to kuch yaad nahin rehta, saab. Haathaan pairaan kaam nai karte, iscooter ku kick bhi nai maar sakte, saab."
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Inspector: "Abey Teacher, kya kya padaa raa re inku tu. Chutiyo ke jaiseich answeraan bolrai naa..!!"
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In the meantime Chotu is trying very hard, to hide but the Inspector sees him.
He thinks Chotu is hiding because he does not know the answer.
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Inspector: "Wo last bench pe yun jhuk ke baithaa naa wo pottey ka naam kya hai?"
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Teacher: "Kaun saab..? Woh...! (iski bhain ku, kaiku dikhaa re tu) Woh Chotu hai saab."
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Inspector: "Chotu..? Ye kya naam hai..? Kahan-kahan se lagaa lete re bhai, naamaa..! Chotu, woh lambu ke peechche kaiku chhup raa tu..?"
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Chotu: "Saab, main moo khola, to teacher maaringa, saab.."
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Inspector: "Tere ku yaa mere ku..??"
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Teacher: "Arey kya baat kar re saab, main kaaiku maarthau aapku. Ye potta ekdam badmaash hai saab, jhoot bolraa. Abey Chotu, answer maloom hain to bol, nai to khaamoosh baith jaa mere baap, tere pairaan padtaau."
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Chotu: "Saab answer 'gaand' hai saab."
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(Teacher: "Allah..! Inno moo khola to meri gaand lag gayi re..!")
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Inspector: "Abey kyaa tu bhi bolra re..! Sharam kar. badon ke saamne aisaich baataan kartey..? Yeich sikaaye tumhaare amma-bavaa? Gaand kahaan kaa answer hai re..?"
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Chotu: "Hau saab, gaand ich sabse naazook cheez hai. Kaiku boleto wahaan pe dilli mein bamb phata, to yahan Hydrabad mein apni gaand phat ti... Yahaan old city mein gadbadaan shuru hotey, wahaan new city mein sabki gaand phat ti... Uttaa lamba kaiku saab, main yeh answer bolraun naa, mere teacher ki gaand phatri dekho..!"
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Inspector: abey Teacher.. mere ku to chakkaraan aa raile re..!
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But before him, the teacher faints..
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