CHHOTU, APNA WOH BADMAASH LADKA

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Wo shaitan bachcha Chhotu, jiski baat maine 'Hyderabadi Biryaani' mein kahi thi,
wo jab bada ho gaya, tab ki yeh baat hai.
Wo bada ho kar kuchh kar toh nahi paya
haan, woh ek shayar bann gaya
aur ghar-ghar mein uska naam ho gaya.
Lekin apni purani aadat se woh baaz nahi aaya..
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Woh, ek baar waha ke Nizaam (Raja) ki beti ki shaadi mein gaya.
ab..woh isliye, kyo ke galti se kisi ne invitation de diya tha usey..
warna usko apne kisi bhi function mein bulana, yeh apni jag-hasaai khud hi karwa lene ke barabar tha..
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kuch samay ke liye toh woh khuub salike se pesh aaya.
toh kuch logo ne usey ek sher bolne ko kahs.
Ab woh log toh bechaare, kuch decent type ki shayri expect kar rhe thhe,
Magar jab Chhotu ne muuh khola, toh:
"SHER KAHE, SHAYARI KAHE YA GAYE KOI GANA
 SHER KAHE, SHAYARI KAHE YA GAYE KOI GANA
 TERI NAANI PAIR UTHAYE, CHODE MERA NANA.."
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Audience toh shockd ho gayi, halaanki, apna yeh Chhotu-shayar apni bhayankar gaandu shayari kehne ke liye kaafi mash'hoor tha.
Magar yaar, yeh toh ek shaahi-shaadi thi,
toh logo ne shaayar ko iis shaadi ke baare mein do alfaaz kehne ko kaha.
Toh hamare shaayar sahab ne farmaya...:
"KYA HASEEN FIZZAA HAI INTZAAM KI...
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Public: "Waah.. Wah Waah.. Irshaad.. Irshaad.. !!
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"KYA HASEEN FIZZAA HAI INTZAAM KI...
 KYA HASEEN FIZZAA HAI INTZAAM KI...
 CHUDEGI AAJ LAUNDI APNE NIZAAM KI.."
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Ab toh public ke gussey par koi kaabu na rha..
Log Chhotu-shaayar ko gaaliya dene lage. Patthar fenkne lagey..
iis par, apna yeh shaayar fir shuru ho gaya-
"AYE, DHARTI KE CHAAND SITARON...
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Audience fir shaant ho gayi..
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"AYE, DHARTI KE CHAAND SITARON...
 MAA KE LAUDO, PATTHAR TO NA MARO.."
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Ab ki baar public, out of control chali gayi, aur shaayar ko piitne par aa gayi.
Shayar ne apne liye rahem ki bhikh maangi, maafi bhi mangi,
magar woh log, Chhotu ki ek bhi baat suun'ne ko taiyaar nahi thhe.
Aakhir usne bas itna hi kaha-
"GARDISH MAIN HAI SITARE, GAAND MAAR LO HAMARI..
 GARDISH MAIN HAI SITARE, GAAND MAAR LO HAMARI....
 JAB BAHAR-E-CHAMAN HOGI, MA CHOD DENGE TUMHARI..."
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Ab uske baad jo bhi hua, woh toh ek iitihaas, ek tawarikh hai.
Lekin apne iis shaayar ke saath-saath, iitihaas bhi nahi badla.
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Ab jaahir hai, ke aise chutiye ke prem mein toh koi ladki padegi nahi.
To apne yeh Chhotu-janaab, Hyderabaad se Mumbai, pyar ka chakkar chalane ke liye aaye.
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Yahaan usne ek mast-mast cheez ko dekha.
Ladki ka dhyaan kahi aur tha,
toh, shaayar-sahab ne wahi farma diya...:
"MUUD KAR ZARA IDHAR BHI DEKH, ZAALIM
 KE TAMANNA, HAM BHI RAKHTE HAI.
 CHUT TERE PAAS HAI, TO KYA..
 LUND, HAM BHI RAKHTE HAI.."
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Aap maanoge nahi..
par uus ladki ko yeh shaayri pasand aa gayi.
Aur uske dil mein shayar ke liye titliya uutne lagi..
aur dono ka ek dusre se kaanta bheed gaya
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Kuch din tak toh sab theek chal rha tha.
magar woh ladki, Chhotu ko kuch aage badhne nahi deti thi. 
Toh ek suhane mousam pe, hsmare iis dost ne usey kahe hi dala-
"DIL TO DIYA HAI TUJ,E PAR EK SHART LAGAYI HAI
 LENI HAI WOHI CHEEZ, JO TUNE TANGO ME CHHIPAYEE HAI.."
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Bas baat khatm..
Ladki ek dam ruuth gayi aur shayar se milna jhulna chhor diya.
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Toh ab, shayar ki haalat bhi kharab ho gayi.
Bechara, maare-gam ke bimaar ho gaya.
Dost log haal-chaal, khair-khairiyat puchhne chale aaye.
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Usko 'cheer-up' karne ke liye dosto ne uus ladki ke liye ek sher arz karne ko kaha.
Toh, shayar mood mein aa gya..
"BE-DARD ZAMANA KYA JAANE
 KYA CHEEZ JUDAAI HOTI HAI..
 BE-DARD ZAMANA KYA JAANE
 KYA CHEEZ JUDAAI HOTI HAI..
 HAM LUND PAKAD KAR BAITHE HAI JABKI
 GHAR GHAR ME CHUDAI HOTI HAI"
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yeh suunkar dost-log hil gaye.
Koi bola- apne lund ko sambhalo, dost.
To koi kaheta hai- agar lund ko pakad kar baithoge, toh muutne kaise jaaoge..?
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To shayar bolta hai-
"KOUN KAHETA HAI, KE LUND YAHAAN MUTNE KO AATA HAI..?
 KOUN KAHETA HAI. KE LUND YAHAAN MUTNEKO AATA HAI..?
 AREY..WO TOH CHUUT KI YAAD MEIN, AANSU BAHANE AATA HAI.."
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Yeh suun kar, sab dost log aur bhi pareshaan ho gaye.
Ek dost se to yeh suna bhi nahi gaya.
Toh wo dost bolta hai ke- mai kaise bhi karke, teri darling ko waapis bulaunga. Tere paas waapas aake, tum pe ek ehsaan karne ki bhikh mangunga.
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Ab aap log to jaante hi ho, ki yeh shayar naam ke kutte kitne khuddar hote hai.
To hamare shayar ko yeh ehsaan lene wali baat kuch pasand nahi aayi.
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To woh bola-
"EHSAAN KISI KA KYA LENA, HAM TO MUUTH PE GUZAARA KARTE HAI
 EHSAAN KISI KA KYA LENA, HAM TO MUUTH PE GUZAARA KARTE HAI
 JAB BHI YAAD UNKI AATI HAI, UUTH UUTH KE DOBARA KARTE HAI.."
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Mehbooba toh kabhi waapas aayi hi nahi.
Toh uski yaad bhula ne ke liye, ab Chhotu-shaayar Delhi chala gaya.
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Wahan jab Qutub Minar ko dekha, toh bola-
"DEKH KE QUTUB MINAAR, SHAYAR KA DIMMAG DOUDA
 DEKH KE QUTUB MINAAR, SHAYAR KA DIMMAG DOUDA
 ASMAAN KO CHODNE DEKHO, CHALA DHARTI KA LAUDA.."
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iis par Delhi-police ki gaand mein khujli hui
toh usey pakad liya gaya
aur court mein pesh kiya gaya.
Jab Judge-saheeba ne puuchha- tumhe kuch kehna hai..?"
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toh woh bola:
"AIE SANAM, UTHA KALAM
 TUJE KASAM HAI, RAB KI
 AIYE SANAM UTHA KALAM
 TUJE KASAM HAI, RAB KI
 AAP KUCH KARO, NA KARO
 MAI TOH, MA CHOD DOONGA SAB KI...
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Court ka aisa apmaan..?
adaalat ka aisa insult karne ke jurm mein, shaayar ko phaansi ki saaza sunaai gayi
he was ordered to be hanged till death.
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Faansi ke baad..
Chhotu ji ko dafnaaya gaya.
Aur Judge-mohattarma shayar ki kabr par gayi -ek formal-visit karne.
magar kehne ki jaruurat nahi, ke ab bhi unka gussa waise hi kaayam tha..
toh woh jo hai, waha ja kar, shayar ki kabr pe gussey se muut di.
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Unke jaane ke baad,
shayar ke bhuut ne ek arz farmaya-
"WO AAYE HAMARI KABAR PAR
 AUR MUUT KE CHALE GAYE
 WO AAYE HUMARI KABAR PAR
 AUR MUUT KE CHALE GAYE
 MUUTNE KA TOH BAHANA THA, YAARO
 APNI CHUUT DIKHA KAR CHALE GAYE....!"
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isey kehte hai ke- insaan ki aadat, uske bachpan se banti hai, aur uski kabar tak panapti hai..
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