Aaj early in the morning 5.30 baje, jab mai nind se jaga, to mera sar ekdam heavy lag raha tha.
Aur meri yaad-daast gayab ho chuki thi.
Apna naam tak bhul gaya tha mai.
Maine dekha ke mai bistar me bilkul nanga tha, aur meri baazu me ek nau-jawan soya tha aur woh bhi pura nanga tha..
Usne nind se jaagkar muje bataya,
-ke mera naam Rajiv Rana hai, aur uska khud ka naam Sanjay Saxena hai, ham dono gay-partner hai aur kai saal se saath me reh rahe hai..
I was not comfortable in his presence, is liye woh muje bedroom mein akela chhorkar hall soney ko chala gaya..
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Muje uski baat pe bharosa nahi aa raha tha,
q k mere me koi bhi gay feelings nahi aa rahi thi.
Muje to yeh sab koi gehri saajiz lag rahi thi..
Muje laga ke iis silsiley me Sanjay se aur bhi puchh-taachh karni chaiye,
iis liye bed-room se nikal kar, mai uus ke pichhe pichhey hall me gaya,
jaha wo ja kar soya hua tha.
Bed-room ka darwaza khol ke mai hall me aaya..
sofey pe sanjay leta hua tha, abhi bhi sirf wo gym-shorts pehne hue..
aur chup chup ke siskiyaan le raha tha..
ro rha tha woh, muh chhupa ke..
ye homo bhi na..
saale ladkiyo ki tarah hi hote hai..
har baat pe aansu bahana shuru kar dete hai..
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I felt sorry for him..
aur uske kandhey pe haath rakhna chaha..
magar ruk gaya..
uska shayad aisa na lage ke mai uske saath sex karna chahta hu.
Maine sirf uska kandha hilaya aur kaha -"muje tumse kuch puchhna hai...I need to make sense of everything."
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Usne apne chehre se haath hata liya aur apna sar hilaya..
"Kal soney se pehle kya ham-tum saath me thhe? maine puchna start kiya..
usne apna sar hila ke haan kaha.
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"kya kuch hua tha..? mera sar kahi takraya tha..ya aisa kuchh ?
Sanjay halka sa muskuraya..
I got surprised...
"you really don't remember..? usne puchha
maine sar hilaya, na kehne ko.
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"Ok.." usney chalu rakha, "tu mere upar chada hua tha. Mere khayal se hamlogo ne bistar ke bichme hi shuruat ki thi. magar during the action ham dono ek side me chale gaye..finally jab tu mere upar se nichey aane laga to tujhe laga hoga ke side mein kaafi jagah hai..magar tu nichey gir gaya..kasam se ! Aur side-table ke koney se tera sar takraya hoga.. maine jab puchha, to tuney kaha ke sab theek hai..par muje ab bhi lagta hai ke tuney table se takkar maari thi."
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Maine apne sar pe haath ghumaya..
sar pe gaththa to aa gaya hoga takrane se..
par kuch nahi tha..
koi evidence nahi tha mere badan pe, jis'se andaza lage ke mai gir gaya tha..
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wapas muje Sanjay ke iraado pe shaq hone laga..
saala meri yaad-dasht ki story to nahi bana raha,
jab ke aisa ho ke usne muje koi drug diya ho..ke muje kuch yaad na rahe..
har pal mai aur jyada pareshaan hone laga tha..
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maine sanjay ki aur dekha..
woh jaise ke chup-chap mujse request kar raha tha..usko yaad karne ki...usko pehchan'ne ki..
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woh khada ho gaya
aur bola ke woh abhi aata hai..
par muje uuspe bharosa nahi aaya..
to mai uske pichhe pichhe gaya..
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Wo ek chhote se kamre me gaya..
lagta tha koi office ya guest room hoga..
book-shelf me se usne 5-6 foto albums nikaale.
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Mai uske pichhey pichhey living room me gaya.
usne muje apne paas bithaya.
thodi hichkichahat k saath, mai uske bagal me baith gya.
Uski nangi tange muje touch kar rahi thi to mai thoda sa pichhey sarak gaya.
Kisi dusre mard se itni intimacy ke saath baithne se muje gheen aati thi.
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Agli 30mins tak wo muje, itne saalo me li gayi foto dikhata raha..
kisi special function, event, occasion pe li gayi,
vacation trip pe li gayi..etc etc
waisi fotos me, maine apne aap ko, aur Sanjay ko, zindgi ke alag alag makaam pe aur hamari alag alag umar mein paya.
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Har foto dikhate waqt sanjay uus foto k baare me kuch na kuch information deta raha.
Hamare anek dosto se pehchaan karvata raha.
Kaun hamre close frnds the,
kaun ab bhi hai,
kaun hamri zindgi se chale gaye..etc etc..
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Mai janta tha, wo bahut mehnat karta tha..
par mai kisi ko pehchan nahi paya..khud sanjay ko bhi nahi..
sab se badi baat to ye thi, ke wo jab 'ham' aur 'hamari' baat karta tha, to mai kuch bhi apne aap se relate nahi kar pata tha.
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Ek foto ki taraf ishara karke woh bola -"ye foto hamne uus raat ko li thi, jis raat hamne pehli baar love kiya tha. Manish koi achcha fotographer nahi tha, par kitni clear foto li hai usne itni bad-light me bhi.. oh god, I can still remember, tera lund mere muh me itna mazedaar lag raha tha, ke puchho mat. aur baad me jab tuney meri gaand me dala to..it was so thrilling yaar ! Sweet-heart, surely tu bhi uus raat ko kabhi nahi bhul sakta.. i'm sure.."
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Wo jo bol raha tha uski visual picture mere dimaag me chha gayi..
aur chheee..
muje to ultee aane lagi..
Koi bhi haalat me, mai aisi harkat nahi kar sakta, mai janta hu..
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2 album purey hone ke baad wo tisre ki aur badha to maine usey rok diya..
kaafi kuchh dekh liye the maine..jis'se ke, i was sure ke i'm suffering from AMNESIA due to which, meri yaad-shakti chali gayi hai.
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Sanjay ne suggest kiya, ke hame shower le kar dress-up ho jana chahiye
aur fir woh break-fast banayega
aur fir doctor ko call kar ke appointment le lega.
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Ham bed-room me gaye to usne apni chaddi nikal ke nanga ho gaya..
I stood pat..
to woh bola- "tu mere saath shower nahi le raha kya..? ham log har subah saath saath hi shower lete hai.."
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"Nahi, aisi homo-giri muje nahi karni" maine berahemi se kaha..
wo thoda sahem gaya..
aur bathroom me chala gaya..
subah ki sab kriya niptaane aur shower lene..
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Sab kar-kara ke woh bahar aaya
to usne towel lapet liya tha..
Aatey hi woh bola -"Bed ki right-hand side wale cupboard mein jo bhi hai, wo sab tera hai.."
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Maine dekha ke wo kitna hurt hua tha...
Khair, mere saath jo bhi hua tha usme uska to koi bhi fault nahi tha..
koi kusoor nahi tha..
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Mai sab nipta ke bath-room se bahar aaya
to dekha ke Sanjay bed-room me nahi tha..
muje kafi relief mili iis'se.
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Usne jo mera drawer bataya tha. usey tatol ke maine underewear, socks aur shirt pahen liye.
Ward-rob se trousers chun li aur shoe-rack se jutey.
Mirror me apne aap ke dekha, to laga mai kaafi smart and handsome lag raha tha..
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Bahar aaya, to kichen se omlet ki badhiya khusbu aa rahi thi..
Mai andar gaya..
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Sanjay gas-stove ke paas khada tha.
Uski aankhe laal aur kafi suji hui thi..
magar fir bhi..
there was no mistake in saying, that he was quite a handsome guy.
Ye baat alag hai ke mai kabhi uska lund chusne ka, ya us'se gaand marwane ka soch bhi nahi sakta..
aur na hi is'sey ulta kuch karne ka..
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Mai table pe baith gaya
toh Sanjay ne muje break-fast serve kiya..
maine 3 cup black-coffee pi lee
iis ummid me, ke mera yeh ganda sa hang-over jaldi khatm ho jaye..
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Itna delicious break-fast ke liye maine Sanjay ko thanks kiya,
toh woh meri taraf ek nazar dekhta hi raha..
mere thanx ke jawab me maine socha woh bolega -"u r welcome..!"
magar nahi.
woh bola -"Mai to DAILY subah break-fast banata hu."
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Thodi der thaher ke usne pucha -abhi ek aur ghanta baaki hai, doctor ko fon karne ke liye. Tumhari life ke baare me kuchh aur jaan'na chahte ho.?
"Yes," maine kaha, "everything"
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Hamlog comfortably kitchen-table pe baithe the.
Usne ek-ek cup aur cofee banyee.
Ek sip li aur shuru kiya-"
"Ham dono Pitampura ki Rising Star Acedemy School me, 12th Std mein saath saath the. Tera uus saal naya admission hua tha..tere papa uusi saal Delhi shift hue the. Annual day function ham dono school auditorium me sath sath baithe the. Maine tuje ek nazar dekha aur mera dil usi waqt dhadak utha. muje laga ke tu sabse khubsurat ladka hai jisey mai aaj tak mila hu. uusi waqt mera lund khada ho gaya."
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Mai thoda akkad gaya- Pleas skip all that sex shit. It isn't helping and it's really turning my stomach"
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Fir se Sanjay ne muje aise dekha jaise maine usey ek thappad raseed kar diya ho. magar fir bhi usne apni baat chalu rakhi -"I was sure ke tu straight hai. iisliye sirf "Hi" karke manie tere pe koi dhyaan nahi diya. Imagine yaar, ke mai tab kitna khush hua tha, jab tuney apna haath badha kar apna introduction diya tha.
Function ke program ke baad ham baat karte hue, khade rahe aur fir saath me buffet-dinner ke liye gaye. Hamare class alag alag thhe, magar canteen me ham aksar milte or kabhi kabhi sath-sath nasta karte. Bas itna hi.
Aur q ke wo local school thi, toh ham sab ghar par hi rehte the, hostel-boarding me nahi. Isliye school ke baad jyada milna julna nahi hota tha.
Fir ham dono ki college bhi ek hi hui. Arts faculty ke liye accidently, ham dono Delhi ki Hansraj College me hi gaye.
Fir Sinior college ke 2nd year me ek din mai apne frnds ke saath Kidwai-Nagar me ek gay party me gaya, to tu bhi wahi aaya tha. Mai tuje dekh kar tere paas aaya to tune ek mast si smile di muje.. Ek koney me le jakar ke tune muje ek deep-kiss kar di. Tuney muje kaha ke tuney muje dekha tab se tu muje LIKE karne laga tha, school ke time se..par tuje laga ke mai straight hu, iisliye kuch kaha nahi tha..Maine kaha -meri bhi ekdam same story hai..
Ham dono party me fir saath saath hi rahe..tu apna kadak lund mere badan se ragadta raha..aur in-between kabhi kabhi kiss karta raha..
fir mere ek frnd Manish ne ham dono ki ek foto nikali..jo itni bad-light mein bhi kaafi achchi aayi hai, aur jo maine tuje abhi pehle dikhayi thi.
Mere parents week-end pe Agra gaye hue thhe, ek shaadi me..toh tu mere saath mere ghar aaya..and we made love for the whole night..
my darling, u must've forgotten but never will.."
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"Impossible.." maine uski baat kaat'te hue kaha, "mai kisi mard ke saath kabhi bhi sex nahi kar sakta..not even in a hundred years..ham dono ko kisi registaan me akela bhi chhor do, to bhi nahi.. Kyu mujse jhooth pe jhooth bole ja rahe ho?"
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Ab Sanjay puri tarah haar chuka tha..
wo sidhey meri ankho me dekhte hue bola -"Rajiv, I'm not lying.. I swear"
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"To fir q mai jab sex ke baare me sochta hu, toh kisi mast badey badey boobs wali ladki ko mere nichey fantasize karta hu ? muje batao..explain me, you gay boy..!"
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Sanjay ne koi jawab dena nahi chaha..
bas usne apni baat aage badhana chahi..-"mera ek purana gay friend tha..jo chandni chowk me kiraye ke ek makaan me reh kar, wahin purani delhi me, job kar raha tha..uske mummy-daddy Bihar me the. Woh hamey apna karma istemaal karne deta tha. kabhi bhi..any time..bas utna, ke jab woh ghar pe hota, to wo bhi hamey join karta tha..three-way sex mein ham dono ko koi bhi problem nahi thi..Wo bade mast din thhe Rajiv..Hamey duniya ki koi fikr nahi thi..bas..graduation ke kuch din pehle tak.. Uus din tere papa aur teri step-mom.."
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"step-mom ? sauteli ma..?
"yes, teri mummy to bahut pehle guzar gayi thi..fir tere dad ne dusri shaadi kar li thi..woh lady tere saath bahut achhi tarah pesh aati thi, jab tak ke tuney usey wo karte dekh liya tha, jo usne nahi karna chahiye tha.."
"kya nahi karna chahiye tha..maine usey kya karte hue dekh liya tha..?
"woh to tuney muje nahi bataya tha..but i presume..you saw her with some other guy in your house, while your dad was away..he was in military. Anyway..tuney jo bataya tha muje, according to that..uus haadse ke baad wo lady, totally tere against ho gayi thi aur tere dad ko tere khilaaf bhadkati rehti thi..
To mai keh raha tha..ke hamare graduate hone ke kuch din pehle..ek din tere papa aur step-mom Jagjeet-Singh Night dekhne gaye the..par uus singer ki tabiyat kharab ho gayi achanak, to ticket ke paise refund le kar, wo dono jaldi ghar aa gaye..aur ham dono ko sex karte dekh, tuje ghar se bahar kar diya..aur teri mom ne bilkul unhe roka bhi nahi..bilkul shaant nahi kiya..
tuney muje baad me bataya tha, ke tere dad ekdam macho type ke mard thhe..shayad tereko muje fuck karte hue dekh kar utna gussa na hotey..par uus din to mai tere ko fuck kar raha tha..to unka dimag ka para ekdam aasman pe chadh gaya..aur ham-dono ko ek ek thappad maar kar, ghar se bahar kar diya..
Mai tuje mere ghar le aaya..mere dad ko mere gay hone ka andaza pehle hi tha..par woh kaafi considerate thhe..maine mere dad-mom ko kabhi khullam-khulla nahi bataya.. par shayad dad bi-sexual hai..i'm not sure but i presume..kyu ke woh hamara pyaar khub samaj paye..
mere parents ne tuje panaah di aur graduation pura karne ka mauka diya..aur aaj tak mere dad ne kabhi bhi muje marriage karne ke liye force nahi kiya..meri mom ko bhi god knows, kaise convince kar liya hai unhone..
anyway, after graduation muje architectural firm me achchi naukri mil gayi aur tuney I.L.I. se law me post graduation karna shuru kiya..jiska kharcha mai deta raha..Mai toh ab junior partner ho gaya uus firm me ..aur tuney apne ek class-mate ke saath law practise ki office khol di..aur ab senior partner ho usme..
yeh chhota sa ghar hamne pichhle saal liya hai..aur ab ham sath sath reh rahe hai.."
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"who paid for this house?"
"Luckily ham dono ke profession kafi achche chal rahe hai..even u contributed 50 percent in buying this house..and tell you what..ham dono hamesha busy rehne ke baaojud every 6-8 mahine me ek baar, 7 days ka vacation manane kahin na kahin tour pe chale jate hai..everthing was so normal till this morning. In fact kal raat, TV dekhne ke baad ham soney gaye..we had a wonderful love-making session. Fir tu bistar se gir gaya. Magar kaafi theek lag raha tha..hamne fir apne aap ko clean kiya aur fir so gaye..aur uske baad kya hua wo to sab tuje yaad hai. hai na..?
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Of course, muje yaad tha.
maine apna sar hila kar haan kaha.
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Sanjay khada hua aur ja kar doctor ko fon lagaya.
Ek lambi conversation ke baad woh mere paas aaya
aur kaha -Dr. Manju Khosla ne hame dopahar me 3 baje ki appointment di hai. Mai apni office me bata diya hu ke aaj nahi aaunga..Tu bhi bata de apni office me.
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Magr muje apni office ka fon nmbr bhi yaad nahi tha.
Aur na hi apne work envoirnment ke baare me kuch pata tha.
Maine sanjay ko hi kaha fon karne ko.
Office receptionist Sanjay se achchi tarah waakif lag rahi thi.
Usne us'se kaha -ke mai bimar tha aur aaj nahi aa sakta.
Usne bechari ne 'get well soon' ka msg bhi choora mere liye.
Itna karke wo fir kitchen-table pe aa ke baith gaya.
Aur ekdam masoom tarike se meri taraf rehnuma nazro se aise dekhta raha, ke muje pata nahi kyu, par apni helplessness pe rona aa gaya.
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"I would want to put my arms around you to comfort you" wo fusfusaya, "magr mai janta hu, u won't let me.."
"No need of that. Its OK, I can manage" maine kaha.
"Normally, ham roj subah "Times" ke cross-word puzzle saath-saath solve karte hai. Abhi hamey kaafi waqt paas karna hai..do u want to do that?"
"Nice Idea" maine kaha. "saala, malum to pade ke yaad-dasht ke saath, maine kya kuchh, aur bhi khoya hai ya nahi..magar please do me a favour..kuch kapde pahen lo."
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Mai ab bhi nervous tha kisi adh-nange mard ke sath satt ke baithne me.
Wo bhaag ke bed-room me gaya..
aur mere jaise hi dress-up ho ke aaya.
Mai usey dekhta raha..
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woh kafi handsome, kisi dress-material ke model ke jaise dikh raha tha.
Magar mere me koi sexual feeling ujagar nahi hui, usey dekh kar.
Mai sirf uske good-looks ko admire karta tha..
uski kindness uske understanding..sab se mai impress hone laga tha..
uski jagah, aur koi kam sensitive banda hota, to bolta -bhaad me ja tu..
aur fir apne kaam pe nikal jata.
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Achanak mere dimag ki batti jal gayi.
muje realize hua wo mere liye itna kuch karta hai q ke wo mujse pyaar karta hai..
aur meri iis haalat se kaafi fikrmand hai.
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Mai aur confused ho gaya..
saala ek mard dusre mard ko pyaar kaise kar sakta hai.. unsey sex ka khyaal bhi kaafi ganda hai..
magr chalo, woh toh samaj sakte hai ke do mard sex kar lete honge, magar kisi mard se pyar karna..mere dimaag me baat baith nahi rahi thi.
Kaafi strange lag raha tha, ye khyal hi muje.
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Hamlog cross-word khelne baith gaye..
pehle hi puzzle ka jawaab muje ek hi second me mil gaya..
aur maine usme bhar diya..
hamne aadhey ghante me woh puzzle pura kar diya..
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"Chal ek walk le kar aate hai", usne sujaav rakha, "shayad paas-padaus ke mahaul ko dekh kar bhi kuch memories laut aaye tumhari.."
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Ham raaste pe chalne lage..
magar utna samay Sanjay ke liye koi achcha nahi guzra. Jab bhi koi khubsurat ladki apni gaand matkati paas se guzarti
to mai usey ek-tak dekhta rehta
aur muh se aah nikal padti..
aur Sanjay kaafi uncomfortable ho jata..
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Ek jawan khubsurat launda dekhkar usne muje uus taraf dekhne ka ishara kiya
magar maine koi interest nahi dikhya..
to woh aur bhi mayus ho gaya..
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Kaafi waqt idhar udhar guzar kar ham, bahar hi restaurant me lunch le kar, kariban 1.30 baje apne apartment me wapas aaye..
aur abhi 2 baj rahe hai..
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ok..
to ye thi meri pichhey ki kahani, jahaan se maine yeh baat aap se shuru ki thi.
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Waise Sanjay ne sab fotos ke zariye itna to muje convince kar liya hai, ke ham dono achchey dost hai..
ok chalo.. we both are good frnds..
magar..ek bhi foto gandi ya nangi nahi thi usmein.
Ham-dono ke kissing ki bhi koi foto nahi thi..
to fir mai kaise maan lu, ke Sanjay mera gay partner hai..?
ab doctor se milney ke baad dekhte hai, ke woh kya kahe,
waise muje to koi Doctor yaad raha nahi hai..
toh muje to ussi doctor se milna hoga, jis'se woh milaye..
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Kahin aisa to na ho, ke woh bhi Sanjay se mil kar aise koi plan me shaamil ho..?
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