Sanjay aur mai, Dr.Khosla ki clinic ke waiting room me baithe the.
Wo kai baar mera haath apne hatho me lene ki koshish karta raha.
Mai janta tha, ke woh sirf muje consolation dena chahta tha, uska koi sexual intention nahi tha,
magar mai apna haath baar baar khinch leta tha.
.
Uski mayusi badhti ja rahi thi
aur aankhe gilli hoti chali thi.
Bechara..!
.
Mai us'sey achcha behaviour karna chahta tha..
magar chahe kitna bhi mai usey chahta tha, fir bhi ek gay mard se physical contact se muje gheen aa rahi thi.
.
Dusri taraf, mai doctor ki receptionist se apni aankhein ladata raha..
usey flirt kerne ki try karta raha..
(saali, mast item dikh rahi thi..
uske boobs..wow !)
.
lekin wo muje bhaav nahi de rahi thi.
Sanjay ne ye sab dekha,
aur mere kaano me fusfusaya -"apna time waste mat kar, wo tere ko saalo se jaanti hai..usey ye bhi pata hai ke tu gay hai.."
Mai chaunk gaya.. usey kaise pata ?
.
itne me doctor ne hamey andar bulaya..
Doctor ek khubsurat hasina thi..
kariban 32-33 saal ki..
aur usne aisi smile di hamey, ke mai to paani paani ho gaya..
.
Maine apna haath badhaya aur us'sey hand-shake karte kaha -"Gud Morning Dr.Khosla"
Lekin uska reaction kaafi ajeeb tha.
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"Kyu Rajiv," Doctor ne kaha, "ham log to purane dost hai..we are old frnds.. and tum toh always muje Manju kehkar bulate ho. Besides you always greet me with a hug. Now, where is my hug..?"
.
Muje usey hug karne mai koi problm nahi thi..
magar hug karte waqt maine ye khyal rakha ke mera lund, kahi uske badan ko touch na kar jaaye.
.
"Sanjay ne muje tumhare problm ke baare mein thodi bahot general idea de di hai..
and even I feel, ke it is quite strange. Wo kehta hai ke tumhara sar Table se takraya tha kal raat ko, aur tum keh rahe ho ke, nahi..Toh chalo pehle tumhare purey jism ka muaaina kar lete hai.. let me examine you.. apna shirt aur trouser utaar do..andar boxers pehni hai na..?
.
Fuck..!
usey kaise malum ke mai andar boxer shorts pehani hai.?
may be, mai always boxer hi pahenta hoga..!
.
Maine Sanjay ki aur dekha aur kaha -"Tum please, bahar jaoge..?
Sanjay ne muje aise dekha, maano maine uskey siney me khanzar ghusa diya ho..
shayad, maine wohi kiya tha..
magr wo room chhor ke chala gaya
aur...ahista se darwaza bandh karta gaya..
.
"I'm surprised that u did that.." Manju ne kaha, "jab bhi aap mein se kisi ek ki medical examination hoti hai, to dusra wahin maujud rehta hai..anyway.. Khan tumhare Vital tests le le, utni der me mai wapas aa rahi hu.."
.
Aur woh room me se bahar chali gayi..
Aur tab ek 40 yrs ka ward-boy aaya.
"Hi Rajiv bhaiya.." usne muje greet kiya..
.
fir chupchaap, usne mera weight, mera blood pressure, mera temprature, cardiogram etc..le kar, ek chart me note kiya
aur chupchaap chala gaya..
.
Kuch der me Manju wapas aa gayi..
Aur fir mere purey badan ko examine karne lagi..
.
In the mean-while, maine usey wo sab bataya mere gir jaane ke baare me, jo sanjay ne muje kaha tha.
.
Uus waqt uska nazook haath mere badan par fir raha tha..
jis ki wajah se mera lund khada hona shuru ho gaya tha..
muje kaafi embarassment ho rahi thi.
Manju ne wo sab ignore kiya..
shayad wo iin sab se accustomed ho gayi thi..
.
"muje to koi kharonch takk nazar nahi aa rahi..tumhare 'pichhwade' par bhi nahi.." usne kaha, "get into your clothes and then we'll talk"
.
Kapde pehan kar, mai uskey saamne wali chair pe baith gaya..
usne ek PAD nikala, shayad kuch likhne ke liye aur jaise hi usey table pe rakha..toh mere dimaag me ek film ubhar aayi..
jaise mai ek table-chair pe baith kar, kisi moti si book ko refer karte hue kisi pad par notes likh raha hu..
Sanjay ne kaha tha, ke mai ek lawyer hu
aur muje aise lagne laga, jaise yeh mera woh vision hai, jab mai apni office me kaam karta hoga..
Mere me ab ummeed ki kiraney footne lagi thi..
I was becoming hopeful now..
.
"Tumhari sabse purani yaad kab ki hai..?" Manju ne puchha.
Maine usey, subah jaagne ke baad ab tak ki, wo sab chhoti se chhoti baate bataayi, jo muje yaad thi.
Koi jyada mushkil kaam nahi tha wo..
bas us'se purana kuch yaad nahi tha muje..
.
"Rajiv," usne hamdardi se muje kaha, "mai bhi tumhari tarah hi confused hu.."
Fir usne Khan ko bulaya
aur neurologist Dr.Deol se, jitni jaldi ho sake, meri meeting aur meri MRI test ki date fix karne ko kaha.
.
"Wo meeting fix kar raha hai, in the mean-while tum reception-room mein jaao aur Sanjay ko andar bhejo. I want to talk to him alone."
.
What the hell..!
Mareez mai hu, Sanjay nahi..!
Ab insult ka khanzar jhelne ki meri baari thi..
.
Par fir bhi maine wohi kiya jo usne kaha..
Wo Sanjay ke saath 10-15mins akele me thi.
.
Fir woh dono bahar aaye, aur mere haath me ek prescription paper dekar Manju boli -"You have an appointment for MRI test on thursday morning 9.30am at All India Institute. Nerologist Dr.Deol wahin honge, aur tumhara interview lekar, tumhe examine karenge."
"Ok..Thanx Manju" Maine kaha
.
"Toh ye sab toh parso hoga, aur aaj tuesday hai..so I think, ke behtar yahi hoga kal tum office jaao..issey ek doctor ka order samjho. Raajiv, mai chahti hu, ke tum Madan ko tumhari memory-loss ke baare me sab sach bata do, taaki usey koi confusion na ho. (muje unhone baad me bataya ke Madan Prabhu mera business partner hai) Aur Madan se kaho ke tum jo jo cases par kaam kar rahe ho, uun sab cases ke baare me woh tumhe necessary information de de."
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"Lekin, kal hi office.." Sanjay ne beech me bolna chaha,
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"Listen," uski baat ko adhuri kaat kar Manju boli, "yaad-dasht ke chale jaane ko medical terms me AMNESIA kehte hai..yeh ek rog hai, jo aksar badhti hui umar ke saath logo ko hota hai..magar kabhi kabhi achanak kisi haadse ki wajah se bhi aisa ho jaata hai, jab dimaag me blood-supply hone me koi dikkat aa jaati hai.. Is'sey memory ke saath kabhi kabhi knowledge aur skill bhi gayab hone lagti hai, magar ye sab toh general cases me hota hai. Ab Rajiv ka case, to koi general case nahi hai..achanak raat-o-raat hua hai ye uske saath..toh muje yeh dekhna hai, ke iska Law ka knowledge bar-karaar hai, ya personal memory ke saath saath, isney wo bhi kho diya hai."
.
"You r Right Manju.." maine kaha
.
"Dekho Rajiv, it's just an experiment and if you fail, don't despair..maayus mat ho jana. Ham log iski bottom tak jayenge..isii liye toh ham MRI test bhi karwa rahe hai. Magnetic Resonance Imaging -Yeh ek aisa test hai, jisme wo sab bhi dikh jaata hai, jo ke X-Ray ya CT-Scan me nazar nahi aata, aur brain ke kissey mein toh, yehi ek test most helpful hota hai."
.
Ham dono Dr.Manju ko fir se thanx keh kar, waha se chal diye..
Raste me mai, Sanjay ke saath ekdam fighting mood me aa gaya.
.
"Ma ki chut, tum dono ne andar, kya khichdi pakaai, itni der tak..? maine chehre par muskaan bar-karaar rakhte hue, ek tikhey tone me puchha
.
"Wohi, jiska andaaza to tuje hoga hi. Woh boli ke -usey koi idea nahi aata teri memory jaane ka.."
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"Par ye bataao, wo hamare baare me itna kuch jaanti kaise hai..?" uski baat ke beech me hi maine kaha, "tumhara koi chakkar to us'sey ho nahi sakta, kyu ke tum to saale.. gay ho.."
.
na chahte hue bhi, maine usey taunting tone me puchh liya, jo ke mai sidhi tarh se bhi puchh sakta tha..
aur fauran muje afsos hua ke, maine aisa q kiya..
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"arey, sirf muje nahi, ham dono ko achchi tarah jaanti hai." usne mere taunt ko ignore karte hue kaha, "Ye Manju to Manish ki badi-behen hai.." .
.
"Manish..?
.
"arey wohi..mera friend..jisne ham dono ki pehli foto khinchi thi uus gay party me..
fir to tu bhi uska achcha dost ban gaya tha..bechare ke saath bahut badi tragedy ho gayi thi..don't u remember ?"
.
"nahi muje kuchh yaad nahi, and u know that, isiliye toh ham log yahaan doctor ke paas aaye the.. don't u remember that.."
mera kaduva attitude khatm hone ka naam hi nahi le raha tha..
.
"Manish ne to suicide kar li thi.." Sanjay ne itni badi baat ekdam ahista se keh di.
baat karne ka shayad, uska mood chala gaya tha..
.
"What..? how..? why?" Manish ki koi yaad mere me bachi nahi thi, fir bhi mai chaunk gaya.."tell me more.."
.
"Well..ham teeno dosto ke parents ko hamare gay hone ka pata chala, toh teeno ne alag alag tarah se re-act kiya tha. Mere parents ne meri feelings ko puri tarah samja aur muje apni life apni style me jeene ki puri liberty de di.. tere dad ne tujey liberty to de di magar tujse koi rishta nahi rakha..aur manish ke parents ne us'sey rishta to rakha magar uski puri liberty, puri azaadi chhin li.. "
.
"matlab..?"
.
Uun beokufo ko laga ke Manish ko homosexuality naam ka aisa ek rog hua hai, jo ke pshycological treatment se theek ho jaega.. har kism ki kachra-type medicine ka course kiya gaya..pshyco-therapy shuru kar di gayi..Manju uus waqt medical ki digree le rahi thi, abhi doctor nahi bani thi..uusne apne parents ko samjana chaha..magr uski koi baat ko seriously nahi liya gaya.. uun bhosdiwale psychologists ne bechaare Manish ke dimaag me, pata nahi kya gobar bhar diya uun dino me, ke usey lagne laga, ke usne koi bahot bada paap kar diya ho..uska jina haraam kar diya uun haramzaado ne. Poor boy..! muje yaad hai.. kitna zindadil ladka tha woh.. hardam hansta.. mahekta.. khilkhilata.. maano zindgi ke purey maaine samaj chuka ho.. koi confusion nahi.. apni gayness ko fully accept karke, life enjoy kar raha tha.. par un beokufo ki third-class treatment ke baad usey lagne laga ke uski zindagi barbaad ho jayegi.. uska jeevan maano ke, ek gunah hai.. he's commiting a serious crime by leading the gay life-style. At last..iin saab se tanng aa kar..ekdam haar kar, wo depression me chala gaya..apna mental balance kho baitha..aur ek din 5th floor par se nichey kuud kar apni jaan de di.."
.
"Oh.." mera reaction sympathy se bhara hua tha..
.
"Tabhi uunke ghar me sirf ek Manju hi thi, jo uska dard samaj sakti thi..usey bahut hi bura laga..apne bhai ki maut ke baad, usey gehra ehsaas hua, ke gay honey se kabhi koi insaan, kisi se kam nahi ho jata..fir usey, har gay ladke me apna bhai nazar aane laga..baad mein wo Manish ke har dost se friendly ho chuki thi..aur isiliye, hamare gay hone par usko koi aapatti nahi hai..koi problem nahi hai..hamse woh utni hi normal behave karti hai jitna kisi straight bande se..aur GAY ka full-form bhi toh usii ne muje samjaya tha.."
.
"and what is that..?" maine halka sa reaction diya.
.
"GAY ka full-form hai. Good As You. when a boy says that I'm gay, he means that thou i'm gay but I am also Good As You.. don't treat me differently.. let me be a part of your society."
"hmmm...nice." aise intelligent interpretation se mai kuch kuch impress to hua
magar Sanjay ke aur ka mera attitude abhi bhi waisa hi tha.
.
"Ok. Aur woh neurologist Dr. Deol ..? kya woh uske jaan-pechaan ke hai?" maine puchha.
.
"Wo unke taau ke ladke hai..her cousin.. we can talk to him openly..isiliye toh Manju ne aur koi neurologist ko suggest na karte hue..unhe hi chuna, so that ham be-fikr unsey sab-kuch bata sake"
.
"chalo, Manju se mil kar yeh ek faida toh hua..or else she wasn't able to trace out any thing about my memory-loss. right?
.
"no, she learnt one more fact about u, ke jab tu apne aap ko straight bata raha hai, tab tu jhuth nahi bol raha hai.."
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"woh kaise..?"
.
"jab woh tuje examine kar rahi thi..tab tera lund khada ho gaya tha..iis se pehle toh kabhi aisa nahi hua tha..right ?"
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"ab muje kya pata..? muje to, iiski maa ki bhosda, kuch bhi toh yaad nahi hai.." mai fir apni condition pe apna gussa jaadne laga..
.
"Usney presume kiya, ke hamare paas gay-porn ki DVD to hogi..par muje puchha ke koi straight male-female ki DVD hai..? to maine na kaha..to usne muje ek-do waisi DVD kharidne ko kaha, aur ham dono ko ek-saath baith kar woh dekhne ko kaha..aur fir wo dekhne ke baad, tere kya re-action hotey hai..uska report muje, usey karna hai.. aur usne ek aur baat sugeest ki hai..
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"ab kya hai wo..? jo bhi hai bak do na..kiske liye baki rakha hai..?"
saaf dikhai de raha tha ke mai usey hurt kiya hu..aisa keh kar.
lekin mai Sanjay se itni bitterly kyu baat kar raha tha..?
maine tay kiya, ke ab mai uus'se softly baat karunga..
.
"Manju ne kaha ke ham dono ko ek saath, nange ho kar wo porn-DVD dekhni chahiye.."
.
I was shocked..
but I thought for a while..
aur fir kaha, "theek hai..I'll compromise..ham nange to honge, magar ek ek bath-robe to pehnenge.."
.
"ok, chal aadhi baat hi sahi.." usne jawaab diya. "kaafi late ho chuka hai..chalo dinner le lete hai ab..ghar jaane se pehle."
.
"yeah, good idea," maine kaha aur fir usey ek aur taunt mara, "favourite doctor ki tarah hamara koi FAVOURITE restaurant bhi to hoga.."
.
"yeah, sure..hai na.. apniwaali FOOD-LAND Restaurant." Usne mere taunt ko ignore karte hue kaha. "Chalo udhar hi chalte hai..let's have happy hour drinks too, before the dinner"
.
"haan ji, to fir chalo tum taxi bula lo." ab mera tone casual ho gaya.
.
Par achanak woh thehar gaya aur meri taraf dekhne laga ek-tak nazro se..
"kya hua ? maine puchha.
.
"Always, tu muje 'tu' kehke bulata tha. Aur fir, 'harami..kamine..chutiye..maa ke laude..' ye sab to gaayab hi ho gaya tere muh se.. kitna apnapan lagta tha uusme. aur ab kitna ajeeb, kitna paraya sa lagta hai tere muh se 'tum', 'tumhara' etc suun kar.."
.
Sanjay ka chahera, uski iis baat ko, uske muh se bhi jyada bayaan kar raha tha.
Mai sab samjhta tha..
maine mark kiya tha, ke woh hamesha mujse 'tu' kehkar hi baat karta tha..par meri zubaan par isey lana muje mushkil lag raha tha.
.
Wo meri re-action ka wait karne laga..
magar mai kuchh na bola.
.
Aur fir usney ek taxi bulaayi,
aur usey ek address bataya..
muje us'sey koi matlab nahi tha..kyu ke muje yahaan ke area ka kahaan koi pata tha.
.
Even though, Sanjay ne muje bataya tha, ke mai saalo se Delhi me rehta hu..par muje to jaant ke ek baal ke jitna bhi yaad nahi tha.. na woh restaurant, aur na wo area..
.
Ham log hotel me gaye.
Waiter ne aa kar hamere naam lekar hello kaha..
aur pucha ke kya ham apna regular drink hi lenge.. ?
maine haan kehte hue apna sar hiliaya.
.
Do peg khatm hue tab tak, kai ek regular customer aate gaye aur hame 'hi-hello' karte rahe..
Har baar Sanjay uun sabko, sirf Hi-Hello na karte hu, 'hi, Rajesh, hello Khanna saab', etc. aisa karke hi reply deta raha,
so that mai indirectly, uun sab ke naam se waaqif hota rahu.
Kitna effort le raha tha woh...
.
Sanjay ab ahista ahista mera chahita hota chala tha..
Not as a sex-partner, but as a friend wo muje pasand aane laga tha.
Muje aisa lagne laga tha ke -yes, ek hetrosexual ki friendship, ek homosexual se hona possible hai..
.
Saath saath muje aisa bhi lagne laga tha, ke iis restaurant ka atmosphere kafi hadd tak gay jaisa hi lagta tha..
jyadatar log muje gay, ya fir gay-friendly lage..
magar do peg ke baad... i didn't care for all that.
.
khana lazeez tha..
khaane ke baad ek aur drink le kar ham ghar ki aur chal padey.
.
Taxi me Sanjay ne mujse kaha, -"I had a nice time tonight..Thanks yaar, for sharing it with me"
.
I felt sorry for him, really..
Par iis waqt muje uski, ya kisi aur mard ki jarurat nahi thi,
I needed a girl.
I wanted a pussy to fuck..boobs to play with.
Anyway,
porn-movie se hi kaam chala lunga..aisa maine socha.
.
Taxi ne hamey ek video-parlour ke paas utara.
Wahaan se Sanjay ne ek male-female (hetro-sex) ki DVD khareedi.
.
Ham jab ghar pahuche
aur dono ne shower liya, magr separately..
pehle usne fir maine..
.
mai jab uus office type ke chhote se kamre me aaya,
to Sanjay apna bath-robe pehan kar, rocking chair me baitha tha.
Mai ja kar couch pe baith gaya, apne paanv faila kar.
.
"Ready?", usne puchha.
"hmm.." maine kaha, "kaunsi play kar rahe ho..? gay ya straight..?"
"which one you prefer..? usne fir puchha
"of course, straight waali"
"Well, maine wohi DVD insert kar ke rakhi hai." keh kar usne uuth kar DVD ka play button dabaya..
.
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=========================== (contd...)
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